Puerto Rico - Day 8

Today technically started last night…let me explain.  Of course I was fighting with my computer again (what a surprise right). I was determined not to have to sit on the porch for service.  I wanted to watch TV and sit on a comfortable couch rather than a wicker porch chair.  I wanted to chill while getting work done damn it!  Initially, it started out great!  I found a website that had used cars for sale in Puerto Rico and found three awesome cars in the immediate area!  Then, it was time to upload my blog and that blasted video.  So, of course, the tether connection slowed down just in time for that video to try to upload.  Next thing I know its 3am, I’ve fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on and with my video still not uploaded.  That was it, time to throw in the towel.  I locked up the house and went off to bed…totally forgetting that the lunar eclipse (which only happens once a year) began at 2:30am.   Had I realized it, I’d probably be staying up again tonight fighting with more video of that dang eclipse!
Apparently Mama and the crazy neighbor made up…or rather, the crazy neighbor isn’t mad at her anymore.  By the time I woke up this morning, Mama had sent her to the store to get a loaf of bread for us.  I jokingly told Mama “I sure hope you didn’t give her $20 to go get that bread.”  She sucked her teeth at me and went back to her crossword puzzle as I set off to fight with my computer again.  Finally, I cut the clip down to 20 seconds and it uploaded after what felt like 20 minutes.   Now, it was time to head to the track for some much needed exercise!  I ended up jabbering away on the phone with my cousin during my workout, which was actually cool because it helped me keep my pace!  I think I even caught a baby suntan (yes 8 days in Puerto Rico and not one trip to a beach or pool but 10 trips to the mall…unbelievable).

Dinner's ready!

That being said, guess where Mama and I went as soon as I got home and showered??  Yep, Kmart!  I need a computer desk and she wants a new TV stand for her living room.   Things are so comfortable between us now and I couldn’t be happier.  See, to understand why this bond is so amazing, you need to understand our history.

My grandmother and I have never been close.  In fact, Papa (my step grandfather) was always closer and warmer towards me than I can ever remember her being.  He would send the Christmas and Birthday cards.  He would call me nena linda (pretty girl), he would say “How’s my favorite granddaughter…look at you.  You love Papa?”  She was just always in the background, never really paying me much mind.  Growing up, there was always a little boy who was my same age that lived next door to them.  This little boy, by the time he was a teenager, pretty much lived with them and Mama raised him like her son.  To this day I’m not sure why or what the deal with that was as his parents seemed perfectly fit to raise him, but he was ALWAYS there.  Always.  Cared for like the prodigal son.  As far back as I could remember I disliked this kid so much!  Now I know its because I was jealous.  As I got older I would ask my parents, “Why is Mama so cold towards me?  Why doesn’t she treat me like she treats him!?”  My mom explained that my grandmother (her mother-in-law) raised three boys and more than likely, dealing with boys was comfortable and easier for her.  She explained that perhaps she just doesn’t know how to relate to girls but assured me that she loved me.   This conversation helped me to wrap my head around the situation but whenever I saw her or interacted with her I was always uneasy.  I didn’t think she cared much for me nor did I think we would ever ever ever have any sort of real relationship.  She didn’t know who I was and I didn’t know who she was and I do believe it would have remained that way, but then, a few things happened…

Papa

One, Papa passed away.  He was no longer there to serve as the bridge between her and I.  God, he was so amazing.  So welcoming.  At the drop of a dime he would tell you how much he loved you, how much he appreciated you and then top it off with a tidbit about his life or a great joke.  The jokes were mostly great because of his unmistakable laugh.  He wouldn’t breath nor would he make a sound for a full minute but his mouth was wide open and his eyes were closed…then he’d let out two hilariously loud gasps.

Two, back when I first started college I told myself I needed to learn Spanish because I wanted to be able to speak to my grandmothers…specifically Mama Celina (mom’s mom)…before it was too late.  I knew that I wouldn’t always have these jewels of knowledge around me and I needed to work on the language.  In reality, at that time it wasn’t only about what I could learn from them…I was looking to prove myself to them.  Prove to them and myself that I WAS Puerto Rican.  That I’m not just a kid that that they kiss and smile at and then call gringa.  I wanted them to be proud of me.  I thought, if I could just speak Spanish they would want to have me around.  They would want to talk to me.  They would shout to the world, here is my granddaughter and she speaks Spanish so well!  That was my dream.

Mama Celina

Three, my Mama Celina (on my moms side) passed away.  It’s crazy but even though Mama Celina spoke way less English than Mama Maria, I always felt closer to her.  She possessed the same warmth Papa did but better.  She looked so much like my mom that it was easy to laugh with her and cuddle her and even learn how to make mofongo with her.

Four, I saw my dream dim.  I lost two out of my three grandparents that I had grown up with.   Thankfully, I had worked on the language enough to speak to Mama Celina in Spanish before she passed.  One day, we were talking, just her and I and it’s a conversation I hope I never forget.  I was telling her how important it is for me to be able to raise my children speaking Spanish and how much I want to get better at it.  She looked at me and with the most encouraging and serious eyes she said  “You speak well and yes you need to continue practicing but look, until now we’ve never been able to talk to each other.  I am so happy to finally be able to talk to you.”  Ugh, how I wish she were still here…she would be so happy.

Mama Maria

Finally, I decided that the relationship that Mama Maria and I had just wasn’t enough.  I could not allow it.  I had already lost my two favorite folks, she was all I had left and there must be a reason.  So, I started calling her.  At first, it was nerve wrecking and without a doubt not one of my favorite things to do.  Often times, I fished for things to talk to her about and the right words.  But, like anything in this world, if you don’t give up, it gets easier.  I also made a point to visit her a few times a year.  Often times, the same thing happened when we were together…we had spurts of good conversation but they were often followed with awkward silences and uncomfortable body language.  Again, I knew I had to keep coming and before I knew it, she was telling me to “hurry back”, referring to me as “mi vida” (my life) when I called and telling my father she’s waiting for my call when she would speak to him.  So now, to be able to sit in silence with her and feel nothing but comfort, warmth and ease…well, its something I am so thankful for.  I am excited to see what’s in store for us but when I tell you I am savoring every day with this woman, every smile that she gives me and every moment that I am able to see myself in her…well it is the God’s honest truth.  As I type this history between Mama Maria and I, I am in awe…it has been 29 years in the making but well worth the wait.