Max gets banned from the beach!

Ok so like I said yesterday, Mama and I decided to head to the whale watching festival on Saturday in Rincón.  Normally, we take Max along but this time when I asked Mama if she wanted to take him she quickly said, "No, he's had enough of an adventure today." (See: Demon Dog post).  In reality, though, we both knew the REAL reason why Max wasn't heading out with us....

Max chilling on his couch

About a week ago Mama and I headed to our local beach for our weekly beach day.  As usual, we took Max along with us.  Overall, things were status quo...Max was trying to eat the sand, constantly digging for who knows what, crying a bit but then chilling, Mama was doing her word search and I was laying out reading and taking sun.  Finally, Max had enough sitting around and was ready for a change of scenery, so I decided to take him for our usual mini walk.  I knew he was just dying to get on the grass and pee on every tree he could find.  Damn dogs and their territory peeing...so anyway, next thing I know, Max is squatting down fully ready to take a poop.  Although my preference was for Max NOT to poop, I knew it would be fine since I came prepared with a plastic bag.  I mean really, we aren't even supposed to have Max on this beach and I am a former dog hater so I know that if I saw a dog squatting down to take a poop at my local beach, I would want to see the owner cleaning it up ASAP!

Max loves his travel bag

Everything would have been fine had he actually pooped like he was supposed to...but he squatted and nothing fell...he squatted again and nothing fell yet again...then he started walking in a squat....it was the craziest thing!  It was like he was still trying to poop but at the same time walking around, trying to find the perfect patch of grass to do it in.  Finally he gave up and started walking normally....and that's when I saw it.  There, in the midst of all his butt hair was a shadow...the poop had come out, it just hadn't fallen yet.  So there he was, little Max, walking with a turd hanging halfway out his behind!  I quickly walked him back to Mama (she is his real owner after all).  I figured I'd consult with her on what to do next, and to be honest, was secretly hoping she would just take care of it.  For a quick second I thought, I am NOT dealing with dog poop, this is her dog.  No way.


I sat down next to Mama and said (in broken Spanish) "I think Max pooped but its still in his butt...like still in the hair and stuff."  Mama hardly looked up from her crossword puzzle and just said "Oh."  I looked at her and realized, this is so going to be on me.  I'm going to have to deal with Max's ass today.  Because while this is your grandma's dog, she is still your grandma and you are here to help.  Get ready Mish because you and Max are about to get to know each other a little better.  My heart sank.  As if she were reading my mind, she put her book down and said "What's going on?" I reiterated that he had a turd hanging from his behind.  She said "We have napkins, here."  She passes me one and then I remember I also threw a bag of baby wipes in my bag before we left for the beach.  "Pass me the bag of wipes Mama."  She passes them, I grab Max, pray that this turns out to be a quick and clean process, and proceed to dig in.

Quick and clean it was not.  I was hoping it would be like removing a peanut M&M from a tangle of hair...instead it was like removing melted chocolate from a rug --- I know.  Ugly.  Sooooooo ugly!  While I tried my hardest not to curse or get angry...all I could say was "We have to go home Mama...like now."  She just stared at this craziness...Max was crying, I was feverishly trying to use every baby wipe I had, and nothing was working.  We also, thankfully, had some wee wee pads with us...so we wrapped his behind in the wee wee pads, put him back in his travel bag and packed up as quickly as we could.  As we drove home, (with the windows all the way down) all poor Max heard from both Mama and I was "Never again are you coming to the beach."  "No more beach for you Max." "Aye, poor Max, its not your fault."  Mama was also peeved because he had just gone to the groomer a few days before and she specifically requested that the groomer cut Max's booty hair.  "I told him to cut it because this is what happens!"  Mama then put her face to the window...I'm sure she needed to try to get a breathe of fresh air...dog poop in a small, hot car is just...ugh...how do I put it...well, its just down right offensive.

Once we got home, Max went straight into the tub.  He was scrubbed down several times with doggie shampoo followed by a nice smelling conditioner.  Finally, once he was dry and calm again, Mama took a scissor to his booty as to make sure we were never traumatized like that again...and that is how Max got banned from the beach.