99% of them...

Now that all the back stories have been told, I can finally talk about the actual whale festival!  This weekend was wonderful and while it is apparent the the summer heat is starting to kick in over here (like strong and sunny and hot days and sticky humid nights), it was an awesome day for the beach.  So, Mama and I hit the road!  Initially, the whales were definitely not trying to be seen and if they did make an appearance, they were so far and fast that it felt rather unfulfilling.  But, as the hours passed, they came closer and way more active.  Unfortunately, I forgot my real camera at home, so the picture you see here was taken with my phone.  It was breathtaking in person while on film it just looks like a black speck in the water!  Well, that black speck is the whale's tail!  It was awesome and yet another reason to thank God for the gift of sight.

Look all the way in the back!

While relaxing on the beach I spotted a cute couple quite a few feet away from me.  The woman was wearing a bikini and judging by how she was rubbing her belly I concluded that she was expecting.  While staring in their direction I commented to Mama "I think she's pregnant."  Then, I watched as they jumped up to watch the whales flash their tails.  As they did, I continued to watch him grab her from the waist and simply cuddle her while looking out onto the sea.  I couldn't help but blurt out "I miss my boyfriend." as I threw myself onto my towel and let out a hard sigh.  Mama matched my sigh with hers and proceeded to "school" me (without ever looking up from her crossword puzzle)...

Mama: "Well, he's probably not missing you."

Me: "Mama!  How could you say that?"

Mama: "Aye nena, these are things I know.  Men are men.  You're over here and he's over there.  You think he's really waiting for you?"

Me: "Aye, Mama stop talking like that please.  I trust him and I know that he's not doing anything."

Mama: "You don't need to trust anyone.  You'll see.  I'm just trying to tell you what I know.  Men are born that way, they can't help it..."

Me: "If I think that way Mama, I will never be with anyone!"

Mama: "...and anyway, have you two even talked about getting married."

Me: "Yes.  We're talking about it.  Its just not the right time yet."

Mama: "Aye nena, if a man wants to marry you, he marries you.  What is there to think about?"

Me: "You just told me that I shouldn't even trust him and now you're saying I should just hurry up and marry him?!  What are you talking about?!"

Mama: "I'm just saying that if a man wants to marry you he does.  But I am also saying that 99% of them are all the same and men can't be trusted.  You never let a man know you love him."

Me: "What about Papa?  What about my father?  They're men, and they're good men."

Mama: "Papa is dead and we're not talking about your father."

Me: "So what!  We're talking about men and you're basically saying all men are horrible but I can give you several examples of good men."

Mama: "Like I said, 99% of them..."

Me: "So, are you saying that if my mom had come to talk to you when she was young...you would say the same thing about your son."

Mama: "Of course!  He's a man isn't he?"

Me: "I can't with you sometimes..."

Mama giggles, closes her word search book and says: "I'm just trying to help you out, you'll see what I'm saying is true.  Just watch.  They're born that way..."

Me: "So they're born bad and all men are bad....well, 99% of them.  That's what you're telling me?"

Mama: "You got it."

Me: "So if I listen to you, I'll never get married."

Mama: "And what's wrong with that?  If a woman has a life that she truly enjoys as a single woman, then I'd ask her why is she getting married?"

Me: "That is just so sad.  Going through life not trusting anyone."

Mama: "Thats life. "

Me: "But you had Papa!  You never trusted Papa?!"

Mama: "What did I say...you don't trust ANY man.  I never told Papa I loved him and I told him a long time ago...'don't tell me you love me because I'm not going to say it back.'"

Me: "That is so sad.  I can't believe you said that to him."

Mama just stares at me and then with a gleam in her eye and a sly grin says: "You'll see."

Me: "Stop saying that to me and stop wishing that on me."

Mama: "I'm not wishing it on you nena, I'm just trying to tell you..."

As I stare back out onto the ocean, I just stare....I let every thought running through my head just pass through me...Mama was hurt.  She was hurt bad.  She's seen things in her life that forever changed her. Slowly, I'm peeling back the layers and finding her reality.  While she can site a list of reasons to not trust someone I can find only one to trust someone...love.  Perhaps I'm a stupid romantic.  A stupid young woman headed for severe heartache, but I've had by heart torn to pieces...I know what it feels like to have the rug pulled out from under you and while it changed me for a looong while, I eventually found my way back.  For me, to give up on love is to give up on life.  For Mama, tough skin has helped her survive.  For me, tough skin would eat me alive...it almost did.  

So, I let Mama talk...and I listen (she has lived quite a life after all).   I tease her about her bleak outlook and she teases me about my rose colored glasses.  Somewhere in between the two perspectives lies truth....the truth that no matter how much you try to protect yourself (be it with thorns or feathers), life happens...and you just have to deal.