Silent Nights

The blog has gone dark lately and it seems that it hasn't necessarily gone unnoticed.  Funny enough, it went dark so I wouldn't "go dark".  This past month was pretty tough, mostly due to straight loneliness.  My loneliness led into a semi Facebook addiction that while I realized was pretty pathetic, I just couldn't seem to help.  Logging in multiple times a day, virtually punishing myself by looking at all the "happiness".  Every happily married couple, new and soon to be parents, newly engaged "friends", etc.  I found myself in this cloud of misconceptions.  The biggest one being that everyone else had it figured out, everyone but me.  See why I stayed silent now?  I didn't want to angry blog.  I needed to process what I was going through, reign it in and then share.

The end of this month marks my one year anniversary.  This time a year ago, two suitcases and a few boxes were packed and landed in Hormigueros, Puerto Rico.  The intended time span? Six months.  For me, six months was attainable.  I had no clue what I would be stepping into and so I didn't want bite off more than I could chew.  In my heart I knew it would most likely be more than six months but I'm guessing I didn't want to alarm myself nor anyone else for that matter.  Now, here, one year later, I can now say without a doubt I see no end in sight.  I am living day to day, enjoying where I am and the journey I'm on.  A cake walk it is not.  An exercise in patience, understanding, compassion, love and humility -- it most definitely is.

Throughout this year I've been stripped...financially (huge pay cut), physically (goodbye hair), romantically (long distance relationships, yeah, not so easy) and even socially (making friends at 30, also, not so easy).  As each layer was peeled back, a different pain emerged.  No more shopping, no more hiding behind my hair, no more comfort of a man, no more comfort of friends.  Just me.  Me and God.  He's dealing with me and seemingly stripping me down in an effort to build me back up.  Until recently, I was unconsciously resistant to it which really made this stage harder than it probably should have been.

Stripped.

A few weeks ago I had the privilege to speak with a friend that I hadn't spoken to in months.  In the course of our multiple hour conversation, we eventually got to just what was happening out here.  My experiences, my trails and tribulations, including that undeniable clock ticking in the back of my mind.  You know, that voice (which usually sounds eerily similar to that of your moms) that says "Girl, you're not 20 years old...you don't have a lot of time to figure it out, you've got to hurry up".  My friend proceeded to tell me about a sermon that addressed the issue of the role of the woman.  I just got a chance to watch this video and it was right on time.  God has without a doubt spoken to me through this video.  It confirmed my "God is stripping me" theory and has even given me the push I needed to continue to move forward.  I'm going to continue to allow him to do his work in me, try to be as obedient as possible, and look forward to the future me with an excited spirit.  I felt it was so valuable that I wanted to share it with you.  Yes, there is a kinda corny skit in the beginning but bear with it.  I do hope you can take something away from this. May not be what I took from it but I do believe there's something here for everyone.  Couldn't figure out how to include it here so here's the link: http://vimeo.com/7675479