Roots

"In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage -- to know who we are and where we came from.  Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning.  No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, the most disquieting loneliness." - Alex Haley

Pedro, Virginia, Celina and Victor

My grandmother Celina had three siblings: Pedro, Virginia, and Victor.  I grew up knowing of and seeing these three siblings pretty regularly -- even the ones, who as far back as I can remember, lived in Puerto Rico.  We were always aware of their presence and what part they played in our family construct.  Them, their children, and their children's children, for the most part, were a part of our extended, yet familiar, family.  As a kid, you don't think about "sides"-- especially not in the household I was raised in.  Family was pretty much anyone who showed up to our numerous gatherings (birthdays, holidays, or 'today is a good day for a party' parties).  I never looked at them as "Ma's side" or "Pa's side".  It wasn't until I was much older that I realized most of the "friends" were my dad's and most of the "blood" was my mom's.

My (paternal) great grandparents celebrating their 50th anniversary with (most of) their children

My grandmother Maria has twelve, yes twelve siblings.  Yes, ALL from the same mother and father.  Two years ago, this was news to me.  How I could go 29 years on this planet without knowing, speaking to, or even remember seeing one relative of my grandmother's is pretty amazing to me.  But, I've learned that in life there are many layers to a story.  One man's priority is not necessarily another's.  One man's belief could be another man's cheap joke...just as one man's treasure could be another man's trash.  My Spanish is now advanced enough that I feel confident in seeking out, talking to, and hopefully developing some sort of relationship with these siblings on my own.  Not all are still alive, but a good majority of them are.  I am seeking stories, old pictures, and clarity on the enigma that is Mama Maria.  I also know that deep down, I'm still looking for pieces of my biological grandfather through them.  Maybe one of them happens to have a story, some information or better yet - a picture of him!  Highly unlikely, and virtually impossible, but a girl could dream -- right?

Family seems to be a touchy subject with that crew.  From the limited conversations I've had with Mama Maria, I sense hurt, tension, secrets, and resentment.  Even in my limited interaction with the few members I have met thus far, well, I've never seen a family so disconnected.

5 minutes of heaven for me! Mama and some of her sisters.

There are glimmers of hope though.  Last summer I left a note in my Titi Rosa's mailbox explaining that I would love to meet her and encouraged her to call me sometime.  She did one better, she gathered two of her other sisters and a niece, and surprised Mama with a midday visit (looking for me)!  Luckily, I was able to spend a small amount of time with them on my lunch break.  But, when I later called Titi Rosa to try to setup a weekend lunch gathering with her and her sisters, she was obviously hesitant and non-commital.  Weirdness.  There is another sister that supposedly lives in the same neighborhood as Mama, yet in the year and a half that I've been here, I've NEVER seen her.  No visitations, no calls, nada.  Supposedly her daughter recently got married.  No invite.  More weirdness.  Then, there's Tio Robert, whom shortly after I returned from New York this summer, randomly reached out to Mama and expressed interest in seeing her and meeting me.  It was as if there was some divine intervention at work because upon my return to la isla, I had decided that I wanted to at least meet and take a picture with every living sibling Mama had left -- before the end of the year.  My parents happened to be in PR during this time, so we jumped in the car and headed over to Tio Roberto's --- but not before stopping to see my great grandparent's old house.

Tio Robert!

So, how are Tio Robert and his wife?  Beautiful, warm, and welcoming people!  It seems that Tio Robert has a yearning to keep in touch with his family as well.  He seems genuinely interested in doing what I'm hoping to do -- unite the siblings.  He politely admits its challenging, and obviously stifles any further commentary.  I can't help but feel that one of those challenges was sitting in the living room that day (you know, she goes by the name of Maria).

I honestly cannot wait to get him and his wife alone and comfortable.  Hopefully they will open up and layer by layer, history will unfold.  The Angela Lansbury in me is super excited, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a wee bit concerned that asking too many questions may get me in hot water.  There is an obvious disparity within this bloodline and at times, it feels like even simple questions have the potential to ruffle feathers and result in a blacklist.  But, this is a risk I have to take.  This is my history and subsequently my children's history.  I cannot deny the obvious "...hunger, marrow deep, to know..."

Where Mama Maria grew up.  One of her sisters still lives here.

PS- Tio Robert and I had a lovely conversation today.  We're getting together after church tomorrow.  It is then that I will begin to ask for pictures.

PPS - We did get together after church.  Exciting stuff. The story continues later this week in my next post.