Hair Be Gone!

Freddie!

The infamous...

You know that feeling you get when you find yourself admiring another person?  Ok, let me clarify...when you find yourself admiring the style of another person?  This has happened several times in my life and, I suspect will continue to happen.  I've admired everything from headwraps to dreadlocks, Kim Kardashian-esq soft curls to Freddie from A Different World big crazy curliness.  Hair is a huge part of a woman's style.  Your hair can totally change the look of an outfit and without a doubt can and will change the way in which people receive/perceive you.

Who's The Boss now?!

One style I've always admired but never ever ever in a million years thought I could pull off was the Nia Long, the Alyssa Milano, the Jada Pinkett, the Halle Berry....the list goes on...its the so-short-you-can-easily-look-like-a-boy (or a science experiment) haircut!  THIS of course was my dream cut.  The kinda dream that just remains a dream mostly due to circumstance...my circumstance being my physical hangups.

Young (and plump) Mish

Adult sized ears!

See, I, was born with a head full of hair and chubby cheeks.  By the time I was about 2 or 3 years old I had adult sized ears (see photo).  Impressively sized ears run in our family...no really, they are somehow both chubby and big...and its on both sides.  Chubby on my moms side (and big) and big (like long) on my dad's side (if you ever meet Mama, you'll see what I mean).  This, coupled with my Elvis-like sideburns left me feeling pretty hopeless.  In fact, I discovered Gap hats when I was in 8th grade...you know, those awesome preppy baseball like caps that came in different shades of khaki, denim and black?  They were all the rage amongst Catholic school kids.  But unfortunately, by the time I got to high school I had pretty much decided that the combination of sideburns and ears that stick out meant no cool Gap hats for me.

Why not just get rid of the sideburns you say?!  Ha, one day I tried that...and I paid the price.   I was in 5th or 6th grade and I slept over my older cousin Jeanine's house during Thanksgiving break.  Jeanine is my older cousin who, although I didn't spend a lot of time with her, was always super excited to hang with her when the opportunity presented itself.  Well, that weekend, Jeanine was talking to me about the wonders of bleach.  She told me that the hair just "kinda disappears".  Now, Jeanine is very fair skinned with freckles.  I too, was fair skinned with freckles, but while her hair is a medium brown, mine is and has always been really dark...everywhere.  Nonetheless, I was maybe 12 years old and my cool older cousin was willing to make my sideburn woes disappear in a maximum of 30 minutes!  Her mom gave her the seal of approval and so, clumps of white cream were placed on the sides of my face...and my upper lip!  Thirty minutes later I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror with Jeanine on one side and her mom on the other...

Jeanine:  (trying to hold back a laugh) "Wow Misha, you have a lot of hair."
Me: (very confused) "Uh, Jeanine I still see my sideburns, except now they're blond.  Is it supposed to look like this?"
Jeanine: "Yeah, the problem is your whole face has hair...but its not so bad." Again chocking back her laughter
Jeanine's Mom: "Oh my goodness Misha..."
Me: "What am I going to do?!" Laughing and freaking out at the same time
Jeanine & her mom: "Wear your hair down!" They couldn't hold it back anymore and just started laughing.

Did I mention that I had gym on my first day back to school?!  My massive head of hair didn't last 10 minutes before it was up in a ponytail.  So, as I sat on the gym floor, Rosario (last name omitted due to lack of memory) looks at me strangely and says "What happened to your hair?" I, totally forgetting that I had two patches of blonde fur on the side of my face, respond "What do you mean?" She's like "It looks like your hair over here (pointing towards my ears) is a different color." My stomach drops as I remember that I was supposed to be keeping my hair DOWN.  If anyone gets wind of what I tried to do, that's the end of me.  I'll never be able to live this down.  Oh my goodness I need to throw her off before she discovers my blonde upper lip!  So, I did what any pre-teen in my position would do.  I told a stupid lie.  One that, in retrospect, should have actually been more embarrassing than fessing up to being the victim of a bleaching experiment but hey...so my incredibly intelligent response was "Oh, I put makeup.  Concealer." She was really confused at that point.  "Why?" she asked.  "Because I wanted to." and I quickly walked away in a pretend huff while pulling my hair down and around my face as quickly as possible.

The Curl Mentor Program :)

Sometimes I miss 'em :(

So, in short, going short was NEVER an option.  But, as years go by, if you're doing things right, you embrace your "flaws" and you make the best with what you have.  I had frizzy, out of control hair that I never knew how to do....I learned how to do it and how to make frizzy, out of control hair become cool, funky, big, beautiful hair...it became part of what defined me.  An extension of my personality.  Again, though, life is an ever changing (and challenging) journey...especially for me nowadays.  And, I've gotten use to being open to the idea of change--drastic change (apparently).  So, one morning I woke up and I just knew I needed to cut my hair.  Its so hot here in PR that even when I tried to wear it out, it would just end up back in a messy bun or ponytail 10 minutes later.  Sure, I toyed with the "cutting it all off" idea for about a week, took random polls of what family members thought, searched the web taking quizzes that would tell me what cut was best for me, the whole nine...but its hard to explain...except that this scenario was reminiscent of "my"decision to move to Puerto Rico...it was already done, even though I hadn't physically done anything yet.  Both decisions felt like they weren't necessarily all mine.  Something bigger at work, if you will.

The dry mop needed to go!

Note the photos in my hand LOL

Note the girl behind me, she was shocked LOL

Before I knew it, Mama and I were entering the local beauty salon/barber shop, I was handing Jessica (my new hairdresser/barber) several pictures I pulled off the internet, and I was being seated as local hanger-rounders were looking at me in amazement.  "She's really going to cut it all off?!" I heard them whispering to each other in Spanish.  For a moment, I panicked.  "Do you think this cut will look good on me?" I asked Jessica.  "Sí, porque tu tiene un cara muy finita." (Yes, because you have a thin face). I saw the scissors in her hand and showed her the pictures once again as she assured me... "Yo sé, tu quieres el mismo estilo de Halle Berry."("I know, you want the same style as Halle Berry.") I smiled, closed my eyes and allowed her to have her way.  When it was all said and done I couldn't hide how excited I was.  When she told me I owed her $10 I think I almost pee'd my pants...I couldn't handle it! The joy! The excitement! The disbelief!  They were all just too much for my nerves to handle at one time!  Mama absolutely loves it....I think she almost pee'd her pants too when she saw me get up from the chair.  She says I look like a different person.  I think she's right.  I feel like a different person.  I am not my hair.  It can come and go and I'm still here.  To feel BETTER (happier, prettier, more hopeful) with LESS (hair, money, friends and fam around) is an empowering feeling.  More and more all of my mini walls are crumbling.  Ever changing and ever growing, both internally and externally.  Sideburns, ears, and all....