Puerto Rico - Day 5

Great news hip hoppers!  It seems that I am finally settled in sleep wise!  I am happy to report that I was up at 7:30am…I was hoping that I was up before my grandmother but alas I stepped outside my room and saw her sitting in her recliner, dressed, with her newspaper in hand squinting at each page as if she were surveying and scrutinizing each article.  As soon as I got up I headed to the front porch to complete something that had been bothering me from the night before.  Last night while I successfully updated my blog, I was unable to successfully post a video to it.  This morning, I figured it out! 

Let me just take a moment to say that I am in the midst of what I like to call technology purgatory.  Its not necessarily full fledge hell, but it sure ain’t heaven either!  Verizon abandoned Puerto Rico about a year or two ago and since then a company called Claro has pretty much taken over.  Now, I am a Verizon customer and always have been since I purchased my first cell back in ’99.  That being said, I came prepared to have certain service issues but also took a few precautionary measures before coming out here.  One of those measures was purchasing Tether for my Blackberry.  This application allows me to use my cell phone to gain access to the Internet via my laptop.  So, as long as I have cell service, I have Internet service.  But remember, my cell service is pretty shotty.  Initially, I was connecting my phone to my computer via a USB cable thinking that a direct link between the two would be my best shot.  I was SO wrong!  Last night/this morning I discovered the wonders of Bluetooth technology!  I may be years late but I don’t care I am celebrating like they just rolled this baby off the factory line!  I figured out how to sync my phone to my laptop so now, sending files like pictures and videos happens in a snap!  The phone and the laptop like literally ‘talk’ to each other.  Transferring those files was so easy that I decided to try to use my Tether app via Bluetooth and I am now streaming the Internet like I’m in a cyber café! Of course, I still rely on the strength of my signal, so the best place to be is on my grandma’s front porch…but since the weather is so nice, I really don’t mind it!  Ok so that is my tech geek moment for the day.

Moving on, I made note yesterday of my trepidation regarding waiving the insurance on my rental car.  I waived it because my father had told me last time I was out here that if I am using my credit card, I should have insurance coverage.  For some reason though I had this nagging feeling that I needed to look into that further.  So, this morning I got on the phone and found out that although my dad was right and I was covered under my card, I still needed to purchase liability coverage through my rental company.  Nope, I couldn’t just add it on over the phone.  Yep, I had to drive back to the airport in order to handle that and so …it was time for another Misha/Mama adventure!  This time, we decided to take our trusty mascot Max (Mama’s yorkie who is her little prince)….so really it was a Misha/Mama/Max adventure (M³ )!

Today’s adventure consisted of Mama mostly giving me car advice.  Its painfully apparent she wants to ride in style.  She wants nothing less than a year 2000 and she really wants me to purchase from a dealer.  She says people aren’t how they use to be and she’d prefer that I have a place I can go to if I run into any problems with the car rather than purchasing it from a person off the street.  One thing about Puerto Rico, man, there are cars for sale on the side of every roadway!  So, its not that there is a shortage of cars to choose from, its just deciding what, from who and at what cost.  I promised her I’d try to make a purchase this week as she has offered to help me out a bit.

Arepas

Also, on our way to the airport I mentioned I was a bit hungry (yes, again) but I had good reason…this morning I cut up a few apples and bananas for the two of us and paired it with a piece of pan de tetita and some cream cheese.  Then, I went for a run in the sun just around high noon.  So, by the time 2/3pm came around I was ready for a little somethin’ somethin’!  She then told me about this new phenomenon of side road treats called arepas.  Apparently Venezuelans and Columbians are setting up shop in PR and making a killing off their street trucks selling arepas!  Arepas are like a sandwich except instead of bread, it’s like a corn meal patty and then meat and cheese are inserted in the middle.  Mama spoke about them like they were the best thing since slice bread so as soon as I saw one, I pulled over.  It was a nice break from the monotony of driving for 45 minutes straight and gave Max an opportunity to take a little walk.  Well, let me tell you, first the arepa was just ok.  Mama tried it and agreed.  She says the Venezuelan truck near the mall puts way more meat and cheese in theirs and just tastes better (I stopped at a Columbian truck).  Second, I thought I was going to be caught smack in the middle of a dog fight today!   Let me explain…

So, we go to get out the car  and walk to the arepa stand when Mama hands me Max and says "Let him out on your side."  Max was giving me a problem and would not move from my seat so I had to force him out the car.  As soon as I did that I turn to my right and there is a medium/large sized black dog right there…ready to sniff Max.  About 17 different things ran through my head at that moment and they went a little something like this:

Oh shit! Where did this dog come from?  Oh no he’s gonna bite me!  Oh my goodness he’s gonna go for Max any minute now…oh shit!  If he gets Max my grandmother will never forgive me!  Ahhh!  Yell, stomp, yell at the dog Michelle! “Get out of here! AYE!!!” He’s not moving, oh no Max is barking now!  Save him Misha, save Max!  Save yourself! Oh no what if he has a disease!! (I just realized maybe the dog didn’t move because he didn’t speak English LOL)

Meanwhile my grandmother is sitting there cool as a cucumber telling me to just pick Max up and throw him in the car.  Now, if any of you know me, you know that me being caught between two dogs…one I have to physically pick up and the other I have to try to shoo away…well, that was an internal struggle like no other.  I’m happy to report that I am still here though.  Alive and well, yet as I type I am avoiding eye contact with my grandmother’s kinda pet cat (she keeps it in a sectioned off part of the house where it, thankfully, never interacts with us).  That fat thing is scary looking, especially at 12:30am on a lonely block in a very quite Puerto Rican neighborhood.

Ok, I got church tomorrow…see yall on the flip side!

Puerto Rico - Day 4

Pan de Tetita (half eaten)

Last night I slept over Titi Annie’s house so that I could pick up the two boxes I mailed to her PO Box while I was still in New York.  The plan was to wake up early, take a jog on the beach, pick up un pan de tetita (a little titty bread…see photo and you’ll get it), come back and then head to the post office with Titi.  Well, I woke up later than I originally planned to so I figured I’d just jog to the panaderia (bakery) and walk back…that was until I walked about 5 feet from the house and spotted two different loose dogs. 

Here’s where I stand on this dog thing: A) good thing I got over this dog fear thing I had before I came to Puerto Rico because let me tell you, Puerto Ricans and dogs are like peanut butter and jelly.  It’s unreal.  B) when it comes to other people’s dogs, I am still a bit leery but not afraid like I use to be. C) when it comes to stray dogs or random dogs in the street with a collar but not much else, well I’m straight up afraid.

So, that being said, I walked my butt right back to Titi’s house, hopped in the car and knocked out all my errands (post office and everything).  I was back at her house eating pan de tetita with boiled eggs and more of that delicious tea by 10am!   But, of course, I still had not exercised.  I do NOT want to be mistaken for a snowman when I return to New York for Christmas, so going one more day eating the way I’ve been eating and NOT exercising was just unacceptable.  As if Titi were reading my mind, she informed me of a track close to her house…she also said there was an indoor gym there that she thought might be free.  I took her driving directions, prayed for traveling mercies and headed out.  I didn’t get insurance on my rental car and I’ve been worried about that decision ever since I drove off from the airport.  I think my credit card provides car insurance but I’m not sure so until I speak to them I’m on pins and needles.  If they don’t offer insurance coverage I’m going to have to call Thrifty and see if I can add it on for the next few days just so I can have some peace of mind.

Anywhoo, I made it safely to the track, just in time for the noon sun of course.  Luckily, the weather out here has been magnificent.  It averages in the 80’s and for the last few days I’ve been able to wear jeans and ¾ sleeve shirts without breaking a sweat.  The nights are gorgeous.  Mama and I just stepped out onto the porch a few minutes ago because there was a lot of activity happening on her street.  Apparently there was a church group who decided to pack themselves into the back of a few pick up trucks and proclaim that “Jesus is the reason for the season!” (in Spanish of course) all while playing guidos and singing religious songs with a salsa beat.  I tried to grab video of it…we’ll see if I can make it work on this blog-o-mine.  Anyway, our nosiness gave us an opportunity to appreciate the beautiful evening…its something that’s really hard to put into words.  A sky that’s something out of Pirates of the Caribbean…crisp, clear, almost fake.  A breeze that would make my mother smile any day of the week and a stillness…even through the blaring church songs…a stillness that just makes you feel like you’ve been embraced and blessed by the universe all at once.

Sams doesn't give bags, they give boxes!

There were more Mama/Misha adventures today.  We started around 2:45pm and headed for Borders.  I’ve been looking for some meaningful gifts for folks and so I knew Borders would be a place I could find a few things I was looking for.  Mama lead the way and man, she is sharp as a tact!  Spotting the store when I couldn’t and parking spots when I didn’t.  I used my Spanish skills at the register to negotiate a discount for a not so perfect book I wanted to purchase…only to find out that I didn’t need the discount because the $20 book actually rang up for 98 cents! 

Mama leaving Sam's Club and posing for me

After Borders we rolled out to Sam’s Club…another store that Mama just loves to browse.  Do you know how big Sam’s is?!  How many things there are to look at?!  I don’t know how that woman does it!  My feet and legs were aching so much that I went and hid in the paper towel section for awhile and even popped a squat on an 18 pack of Bounty.  Mama insists on paying for a lot of things so I started that conversation with her early.  I explained to her that I’m living with her now, the least I can do is pay for groceries.  Finally she begrudgingly allowed me to pay…but insisted on filling up my gas tank.

On our way back home, a royal blue car passed in front of us.  She looked at it for awhile and then told me that she just loves that color car.   She went on to explain that her honey, ‘Papa’ (my step-grandfather who served as the only grandfather I’d ever come to know) use to have a Ford that color.  Then the story got fuzzy because I think she said that he got into an accident in that car with a Mercedes and ended up in the hospital but I’m not too sure.  I really can’t wait until the language is no longer a barrier.   I mean, we’re growing closer daily and as each day passes, more and more information is being relayed…I just need to be quick enough to catch it.  There’s a song called Paciencia y Fe (Patience & Faith) from one of my favorite Broadway plays (In The Heights).  It’s all that is running through my head as I write this entry.  Paciencia y Fe Misha, Paciencia y Fe…

Puerto Rico - Day 3

Day 3 was supposed to start with grandma and I having a wonderful breakfast.  Instead, it started with grandma knocking on my door at 7:30am telling me she was headed to the doctor’s office.  I offered her a ride but she said her neighbor was taking her, and she just wanted to let me know where she was going.  So, I had the house to myself and I used that time to unpack, get fully settled and rearrange my bedroom.

Although she left at 7:30am, mama didn’t get home until after 12:30pm!  Apparently in Puerto Rico, even if you have an appointment with the doctor, you have to walk in and take a number (yeah, like you’re in a deli).  She was number 5 and therefore waited for quite a few hours to be seen.  The health coverage issue definitely extends to Puerto Rico.   Today my grandmother paid $84 for a tube of cream!  Her total prescription bill came out to be $112!  She explained to me how much she has to pay to see certain doctors and how some of her prescriptions aren’t covered at all…and that’s how you end up paying $84 for a tube of cream and hundreds of dollars for an MRI.  While she was explaining all of this, I began to feel helpless.  I mean, healthcare coverage is over my head period…never mind healthcare coverage in Puerto Rico, dealing with Spanish-speaking doctors and healthcare providers for my elderly grandmother.  But, I listened to her and made note of whatever I could.  Later, I met up with my aunt and explained to her the frustration I felt because of how much she was spending, what the doctors were telling her and how I would normally be right with her asking every question under the sun but I just feel paralyzed because of the language.  Thankfully, my aunt put things into perspective and offered to help me navigate the healthcare issue, as she had to navigate it in dealing with my other grandma’s coverage when she was alive.  Also, when it comes to my questions for mama’s doctors, she said to think in Spanish and write out my questions ahead of time in Spanish… "just take it one step at a time, you can’t expect to express yourself as quickly or aggressively as you can in English, at least not yet.”  Patience is the name of the game I guess.  I do feel better after talking to Titi and our conversation helped affirm that I can really make a difference here.

Other notes from today:

I walked around Walmart for a solid hour with mama as we waited for her prescription to be filled.  Initially, it was great because I was able to get several items I needed, but that lasted about 20 minutes.  The next 40 were filled with window shopping the entire store with mama who was all too happy to do it.  She gets pleasure out of the oddest things…just looking at everything on the shelves, picking them up, reading them and then putting them back.  I must admit, my Blackberry came in handy a few times, as I had to escape to the land of e-mails and IM’s if only for a little bit.

I found out my grandma’s birthday today…she had to recite it a few times to the pharmacist.  July 18, 1924.  Yes, 1924!

Mama chose the Ponderosa for lunch today.  I don’t think I’ve stepped foot inside a Ponderosa since I was a kid, but there I was...ordering from 1 of 12 menu options at the entrance and picking up my cafeteria style tray.  As I dished myself a nice helping of salad from the salad bar and listened to soft jazz play in the empty restaurant, something occurred to me…I pulled out my Blackberry and formulated a new Instant Message.  This one read : “I’m now in a Ponderosa after strolling around Walmart for an hour.  I may need visitors soon…if I don’t I’m afraid my personality will become that of a retired woman in her mid 80s.”

Mama's suggestion for lotion 

Today I asked mama for lotion and she didn’t have any.  So, while we were standing in line waiting to put her prescriptions in, she turns to her right and says “Aye Misha, mira, tu necesitas locion, aqui es jelly… “(Hey Misha, look, you need lotion, her is jelly…) as she squints, I look and interrupt her.  “Mama eso no es locion, es por sexo.  Todo que esta aqui es por sexo.” (Mama that is not lotion, that’s for sex.  Everything that’s there is for sex.)  She was about to suggest that I purchase KY Jelly as my new body lotion!  When she realized there was nothing but condoms and other sex items on those shelves she cracked up, turned her back, and never glanced over there again.   It was awesome.

Good night all, till tomorrow.

Puerto Rico - Day 2

Day 2 started sluggish.  I couldn’t fall asleep last night.  Puerto Rico is one hour ahead of New York and my mama (grandma) averages a 9pm bedtime.  Therefore it was lights out in the house around 8pm New York time.  I stayed up in my room doing my daily hour of prayer, then working on my blog and working on maintaining a sound Internet connection.  See, before I left for PR I purchased a Tether app for my Blackberry.  This app gives me free Internet access when I plug my phone into my computer.  As long as I have phone service, I have Internet service.  Pretty cool right?  Yep, it would be a piece of cake if it weren’t for the fact that I have like ½ a bar of service in my bedroom!  So, I am consistently re-maneuvering myself in an effort to speed up or even receive any type of service.  Still, I pushed through and by 2am PR time I was completely done with my post.  I turned out the light and thought for sure I was 10 seconds away from a deep sleep.  NOPE.  I tossed, I turned.  5,000 things were running through my head at once and I couldn’t turn it off.  Finally I reached for my iPod but the earphones quickly became annoying...eventually I fell out, but I’m guessing it wasn’t until 3am or later.  Needless to say, when my alarm rang at 7am I hit snooze and didn’t spring up until well after 9.  I had a date with Tio Edwin and my mama had been up for quite a few hours already, so I dragged myself into the shower and started my day with heavy eyes and a half rested body. 

Once I was dressed, mama asked me about breakfast but I knew I didn’t have time to eat there.  I felt bad because my schedule was supposed to include breakfast and lunch with her this morning.  Instead, I had to tell her I’d eat something at Titi’s because I was running late and that this afternoon I planned on being back in time to eat with her (mama doesn’t eat dinner, she eats lunch at around 3pm and that is her last meal for the day).  Luckily, she had plans of her own to head out to Kmart with her neighbor and agreed that it would be nice to meet up for lunch after my car hunt.   So, I headed out.

After a tasty breakfast of avena and tea again at Titi’s, Tio Edwin and I hit the road.  Can I just say that this man is like a car hawk?!  He was spotting vehicles left and right…pulling over, making phone calls, talking to car salesmen, practically sitting on cars to check their shocks.  He was amazing and I am so grateful for him.  He did cheat and speak to me in English a bit, but overall he spoke to me all day in Spanish.   I must admit that the English was comforting for the times that I really didn’t have the vocabulary to ask a question or understand the answer.  The road trip was also a time for the two of us to chat.  I have never spent time alone with him and it was a valuable time, one for us to feel each other out.   After seven hours and one lunch (BBQ chicken with mini green bananas and yucca), here’s what I have so far:

Lunch at Matos BBQ.  Yep, rice is in those pots...

Tio Edwin is my grandfather’s brother (on my mother’s side).  This is key because the first time I saw my grandfather, unfortunately, was at his funeral.  So, this Tio Edwin could help fill in some blanks from his perspective and in a small way maybe serve as the maternal grandfather that I never had.  It’s a little too early in the game though to delve into those ‘who is my grandpa?’ questions, but days like today are helping to lay the groundwork.  Tio Edwin has lived in New York, Texas, Armenia and Puerto Rico.  I know what you’re thinking…Armenia?  Yeah, I said the same thing.  He was in the Army and married a German woman who wasn’t in the Army but worked on the base.  He says he lived in Armenia for about 5 years.  He speaks a little bit of German and says he really enjoyed living there.  His ex-wife spoke German, English, Spanish and Italian.  I don’t know her but I think she’s awesome for that.  His current wife is Carmen.  She is a ‘good woman’.  He says it, I say it, my aunt says it.  If you were to ever meet her, you’ll know what we mean.  She is so welcoming, warm and sincere.   He says he was with Carmen when he was a young man living in New York (he moved to NY from PR when he was like 16) and that they were together for about 12 years.  Then, at the age of 27 he joined the Army and I guess they went their separate ways.  Carmen had three children while Tio Edwin has two (one live in Georgia while the other is here in PR).  They never had children together, but he returned to PR in the late 80’s and they reunited.  They have been together ever since and currently have two dogs and sometimes share custody over my aunt’s yorkie Sandy.  Tio has visited Italy, Greece and Spain.  He says Greece is gorgeous (I told him I can’t wait to visit) and that he doesn’t care too much for Italy.  When I asked him why he didn’t like Italy he said “It’s like how I feel about California, I just don’t like it.”

Back to the car report…well, there are some interesting vehicles that go for the $1500 to $2,000 range and some even more interesting people that sell them.  The hunt continues and I might have to seriously think about increasing my budget.  I just really don’t want to put myself in a financial bind.  My aunt says if I look in the $4k range, I should come up with something good…that’s double my budget though.  We’ll see what happens.  

Needless to say, I never made it for lunch with mama but I am determined to have breakfast with her and spend some much needed down time in the house with her tomorrow.  Until then...¡Hasta mañana!

Puerto Rico - Day 1

Day 1 started at 12am in JFK airport.  Snow flurried around New York as my little brother placed my two 40+ lb. bags onto the Jet Blue bag drop.  After giving him some words of wisdom and saying a prayer that he takes my advice to heart, I headed for security.

Beaded curtains need love too

I am happy to report the security screening was relatively painless and served as an encouragement to continue to book late night flights.  Boarding the plane was interesting to say the least.  My guess is the snow in New York City must have made these 100+ Puerto Ricans very anxious to get back to palm trees and beaches, because an announcement was made to "board children, disabled and elderly ONLY" and just about every single person waiting for that plane got up and swarmed the boarding deck.  Along with a beaded curtain (you know like the ones that were hung in doorways to separate rooms in the 70s) and a slew of carriages, there were also 3 dogs and a cat boarding the plane with us.  No, I'm not lying.

All I was looking forward to was sitting on that plane, throwing my eye mask on (thank you South African Air for that one) and knocking out before I could even hear how to properly secure my seatbelt.  Unfortunately, sitting on the plane and throwing the eye mask on was about as far as I got in terms of comfort.  I had the window seat but just couldn't seem to find my sweet spot.  It was a packed flight so I had two grown men cuddled up right next to me.  Also, it could have just been my imagination, but it felt like the cabin lights were turned all the way up for a majority of the flight...that and the flight attendants somehow found it necessary to announce every type of beverage they had to offer on that plane (cranberry juice, orange juice, coke, sprite, orange juice, tea, coffee, ginger ale, etc., etc.) in English AND Spanish!  Maybe since my eyes were covered my sense of hearing was sharper...I dunno, but it was deafening.  We landed a half hour later than scheduled and then it was time to deal with my luggage.  See, I had been so busy packing that I forgot to count.  Once I decided to count, I realized that Michelle has two hands and two shoulders...yet, Michelle packed three suitcases, a duffel bag and a laptop bag.  Oh, did I mention one of those suitcases doesn't really roll properly?  Yeah, I'm convinced it is on some Consumer Reports list somewhere...listed as a total failure in suitcase effectiveness.  But, there was nothing to do but deal with the situation at hand.  I had quite a few folks praying for my traveling mercies and I knew that I would be able to overcome the challenge ahead of me...I just had to keep a positive attitude.  So, after a significant lack of sleep and a painful wait to get off the plane, I disembarked and it hit me---the Puerto Rican air.  I've been trying to find a way to describe this distinct smell.  It is a combination of sea and humidity and salt I guess.  I don't know, but as soon as it hit my nose my heart warmed and I felt like I was home.  Yep, home.  I know, its insane.

McGyver Mish

So, back to the luggage.  I got inventive ladies and gents.  Luckily, the small carry on suitcase I brought had a strap.  So, after a few minutes of fumbling around, I came up with a McGyver solution.  I strapped the small suitcase to the back of one of the larger ones and pushed it.  Meanwhile,  I secured my duffle bag on top of the other suitcase and pulled that one.  Oh yeah, and finally I strapped my laptop bag across my body.  Sure, there were a few raised eyebrows on my way to the car rental counter, but hey, my bags got from point A to point B so no complaints here!

Luckily, the rental car guy was gracious enough to keep an hold half of my bags at the counter while I grabbed the car and loaded the other half.  Once I got into the vehicle though, I realized there was no windshield liquid and that the tire pressure was low.  I'm a single woman driving 45 minutes to my next destination at 5am...yeah, I think I needed to switch my car.  So, that  whole ordeal ate up an additional hour that I didn't count on.  I didn't end up pulling up to my aunt's house till about 7:11am.  Have you ever been so tired, you can't fall asleep?  That was me.  Luckily Titi Annie was ready to whip up some tasty tea (with fresh lemon-limes from her backyard) and avena (super tasty Puerto Rican style oatmeal).  Finally, I rested from about 9:30am till around 2pm.

After a much needed shower, I reconvened with my aunt who had made fresh arroz con pollo mini pasteles (seasoned rice with shredded chicken wrapped in a banana leaf) from scratch.  Just a note:  I am planning on not only coming back fully fluent in my language but also fully fluent in the art of cooking the way my mother, aunt and grandmothers are.  It is a true gift.

Just before I sat down for lunch, I ran to the car to grab a pair of sandals (yep, sandals in December haaaaa) and inadvertently locked my car key in the trunk.  No, the car was not unlocked.  Yes, 24 hr roadside assistance was called.  Sure, I cursed when I realized what I had done but soon after, I chuckled.  I knew it would be fine...plus, it was time for lunch!  I bellied up to the table while I waited for help and Titi presented that plate of pasteles coupled with a fresh, gorgeous salad.  Another note: exercise schedule begins tomorrow.

My Tio Edwin's long lost brother

News about visiting family members spreads pretty quickly around here so while I was finishing up my lunch, my grand uncle Tio Edwin came by to see me.  This guy is so fascinating to me.  He literally looks like he could be Mr. Miyagi's (yes, from the Karate Kid) big, former football playing brother.  When I see him I see such a teddy bear and I cannot wait to get to know him better!  He has offered to help me car shop while I'm here so we have a date for tomorrow morning.  I have a pretty low budget of $2k but he is still willing to help me look.  Anything is possible and I know I can find a reliable, 4 door vehicle within my price range!  YES!  IT WILL HAPPEN!

Finally, it was time to go see my grandma and get settled in.  She greeted me at the door with a huge smile and a new haircut.  She looks so cute!  Max, her pet yorkie, was besides himself with excitement.  Maybe he knows he's got a new roommate :)

Now, here I am settled in my bed, minimally unpacked (too tired) and incredibly grateful.  I didn't know what to expect when I rolled those 3 suitcases and 2 bags into my grandma's house, but I was welcomed.  Grandma rearranged my room, bought a new nightstand with storage and even cleared out the closet for more clothes.  It feels good to be back.  Let's see what tomorrow brings...until then, buenas noches!

Generation X & Y

According to dictionary.com these two terms are defined as the following:

Generation X - members of the generation of people born between the mid-1960's and the mid-1970's who are highly educated and underemployed, reject consumer culture, and have little hope for the future.

Generation Y - members of the generation of people born since the early 1980s who are seen as being discerning consumers with a high disposable income

Since I began volunteering, these two terms have been running marathon laps in my head.  See, I was always under the impression that both my older brother and I were Generation X'ers.  That term used to be thrown around left and right along with "the new millennium" and "Y2K".  I also never knew that when that term was being thrown around that we ...well...HE was being referred to as a person who had "little hope for the future". That's interesting because for as long as I can remember my "Generation X" brother has been one of the most hard working individuals I know!  He had a paper route as soon as he was legally allowed to work! I always felt a certain sense of pride every time I opened our door and saw all the newspapers in front of the apartments.  I remember thinking my brother did that.  When he outgrew the paper route he moved onto Red Lobster as a manager in the kitchen...making sure food was how it should be before it was sent out to customers.  I mostly remember this job because my mom and I would patiently wait for him to get home at night as he usually came home with the best leftovers (mmmm crab legs for days!!).  He went to college and by sophomore year he was an R.A.  By the time he got out of college, he already had a position in a graphic arts company serving as their IT guy.  Then, he jumped over to being a graphics guy for a law office...and that is when the bachelor pad came, the pool table and ohhh that Pepsi Blue BMW (I still dream about that thing).  My brother was and still is the definition of hustle...that is Generation X to me.

Now, Generation Y.  I guess I'm Generation Y.  Sure, I've had jobs.  I remember trying to trick the manager at Boston Market into hiring me because I was a few months shy of being of legal working age.  I also remember finally landing a job at a donut shop that, if I recall correctly, I quit soon after seeing a mouse run over my foot!  I have never been that paralyzed by fear before.  My mother had to talk me off the ledge because I was besides myself when  I called her.  After that, it was clear to me...I was heading for office jobs. Paid internships, actually.  One for a huge NYC bank and another for a national magazine.  I wasn't an R.A. in college, truth be told, I didn't really pursue it...I was too busy basking in my newly appointed freedom.  Luckily, I did find my first love though...radio.  So, by the time I graduated college, I had a gig in an industry I adored.  That was Generation Y for me.

Fast forward...a few months shy of 2011, I have been volunteering for the last two months at a local high school once a week.  I am devastated and have to seriously talk myself out of becoming hopeless.  What do I see when I walk into this school, what am I experiencing? 

I see children who are treated like they are no longer their parent's problem, treated like crap by their peers and criminals by their educators.  I see young men who think being a man is having clothes like Lil Wayne and an attitude to match.  I see young women who define themselves by what that Lil Wayne clone says about them.  I see messy kids who walk in with ignorant parents.  I see overworked parents trying to fit a meeting with the principal into their lunch hour.  I see a kid with a Blackberry but not a belt.  I see an iPhone but no notebook.  I see a teacher who is a walking thunder cloud.  "No one can't tell her s*** and she's not afraid to tell anyone that, not a parent, not a student, not a fellow administrator."  I see teachers who walk right past each other without a word...not even a simple "Good Morning".  I see a principal who is trying his hardest to work for these kids and encourage them all while robbing Peter to pay Paul.  I hear children saying they were literally robbed in the bathroom.  I hear boys saying "Ni*** this" and "N*** that" or "f*%# you N*&^%" but then walk into the office with their eyes low and their voice even lower to ask a question.  No, not because they are ashamed or because they know they shouldn't  speak like that...but because they don't know how to speak to adults and have no self confidence.  I hear of baby gangs popping up left and right. I hear of synthetic pot making its way into our schools.  I see pregnancy.  Hopeless yet?  Angry yet?  Worried yet?  Well, I am.  

I'm so worried that I reflect on myself, my brother, my cousins...who were our mentors and where are the mentors now?  Then I look in the mirror.  Time has passed, my hair is beginning to grey, my friends are married and having babies, my mentors are getting older.  Where are the mentors now?!  I ask again...then I look in the mirror.

One thing I failed to mention in my Generation X and Generation Y stories is probably the most important underlying, and often overlooked, ingredient for success...mentors.  My brother and I were blessed to have not only our parents on the front line of defense, but also extended family members like Valerie, Vivian, John, Lisa, Titi Annie, Tata and Tio.  Not to mention youth groups like Aspira full of people like Daralyn, Vanessa, Maziel, Grecia, Lisa, Tony, Lydell, Isabelle, etc.  These are just a few people who served as professional and/or personal role models, encouraged us, invested in us, questioned us about school, gave us advice about college, served as references and even provided opportunities for paid internship or even jobs.  That was what made us successful.  That is what kept us on our toes and that is what helped to water the seed of ambition that was in us.  

Yes, we are 20 something and 30 something now.  Yes, we are working on our careers and building our families.  Yes, we're looking for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right...but let's remember how we got here.  We have to reach a hand back, because that hand may be connected to the hand your child will need one day.  It takes a village and its our turn at bat.

A few links:

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/become_mentor/become_mentor.shtml

http://www.mentoring.org/

Packing...

Stuff...

Its official.  I now believe that packing is one of the loneliest things a person can do.  Think about it.  Just you and your stuff.  I've been sitting here for days...forced to choose between piles labeled "shred", "donate", "keep in New York" and "take to Puerto Rico".  Sounds simple enough right?  It would be if I didn't have a file cabinet full of paperwork that dated back to 2001...and a memory box full of things like chopsticks from my first date in high school, copious amounts of letters from junior high school, and oh, did I mention the movie stubs?!  Yeah movie stubs from, it seems, every damn movie I've ever seen from elementary school on!!  One would think I'd just take the whole damn box and chuck it right?  Well, its not that easy.  A person who collects movie stubs and writes who she went with on them on the back cannot be the same person who just chucks a box of memories!!  These things are evidence of my past...a piece of who I am...right?  How can I throw out a card that my mom gave me five Christmas' ago?  What am I supposed to do with all this info I printed on New York City theaters...what if I'll need them one day?!

...and more stuff...

Mish is rummaging

I know this is not necessarily about the "stuff".  Its about letting go of what has kept me comfortable for so long.  My file cabinet has always been my file cabinet.  Filled with a load of paperwork for the moment when I'll actually need every student loan bill I've ever received or that one ATM receipt from three years ago that will prove I didn't take $20 out twice in one day!  See, having to go through all this stuff and essentially deciding to be rid of it makes it ever more clear that I am at the point of no return.  In a month I will be couch surfing whenever I'm in New York.  One month!  4 weeks! 30 freaking days...excuse me as I go freak out and then attempt to continue my lonely purge...