Ida

Today I tutored my Columbian student, Ida.  She's been a client of mine since, I don't know, probably since late last year.  This woman is brilliant.  She is working towards her doctorate in Chemistry and aspires to work in pharmaceuticals.  She came here just about seven years ago, leaving her entire family behind to find professional success in the industry.  She is currently 39 years old, and while she has been married, I gather that it was more of a friendly agreement that resulted in residency status for her.  He has since moved to Florida and while they speak daily, she scoffs at the idea of a romantic reunion.

Now, with her residency status, she is eligible to work anywhere she'd like within Puerto Rico and the United States.  This is huge for her and many like her.  You see, she had to work full time in order to put herself through undergrad...taking classes on a part time basis.  According to her, school in Columbia is very expensive, but eventually she did it.  Her mother passed away leaving behind Ida's mentally disabled sister and elderly father.  She has another sister who is married with three children and a brother, who is a "successful" businessman with one child.  This brother has no aspirations to settle down.  According to Ida, there really is no reason to, he supports himself and is "very handsome okay" (Ida enjoys adding "okay" to the end of her sentences...I see it as her version of "you know what I'm sayin'?").  By Ida's accounts, her sister is also a "typical Columbian woman" which for her means "fit and berry beautiful."  Ida is overweight and very tall.  As she speaks about her people's beauty, her body language speaks volumes about how she perceives herself.  Still, she doesn't allow that, nor her language barrier to hold her back.  She has joined Jenny Craig, gotten a personal trainer, and is taking English tutoring.  Why?  Because she believes that all of those things combined will make it easier for her to be hired.  Point blank.  She minces no words when it comes to that.

Ida feels an urgency to help her family financially and is doing all she can to make that happen.  I identify with Ida and quite frankly, she intrigues me.  When I was a young, aspiring radio personality, my motivation was to buy my parents their first home.  The difference?  Well, the difference is Ida will realize her dream, while my parents settled into their first home years ago...unfortunately, with no help from me.  Ida operates with a calculated, seemingly cold demeanor.  The whole time I was in radio, I operated off emotion, charm, and instinct.  Mostly emotion.  I was more worried about what family barbecue or birthday I was missing than about perfecting my craft and solidifying contacts.


Ida has made a choice.  No children, no love.  They get in the way.  For her, love is her work.  As we discuss this choice, she confesses, "I may regret my decisions later, but for now, I'm happy."  While I may not necessarily agree with the choices she's made, I admire that quality about her.  She's made her choice.  She's chosen her path and diligently walking it.  No matter how many laser hair removal appointments, Saturdays spent with her cooky gringa English tutor, or "tasteless salads", she's doing it.  I, am the queen of variety.  While others see black and white, I live in the gray.  One foot here, one foot there...just in case.  Where this came from is still unclear, but it is undeniable at this point.

Today, we began talking about one of her newest team members in the lab.  When describing him I could see that she was purposely choosing her words carefully--and not due to the language barrier.  Upon recognizing this hesitation, I urged her to speak her mind.  Again, she hesitated, stating "I don't want to offend or be offending."  I replied, "You don't want to be offensive.  Don't worry, speak your mind."  A calmness came over her as she said, "Well, he is very slow.  He works at a very slow pace."  Her face lit up as she used "pace", one of today's new vocabulary words for her.  "Do you mean he's a little lazy?" I pressed.  "Uh, yes.", she begrudgingly answered. "Okay, okay let me 'splain.  I showed him evryting he has to do but he no very hard working...many Puerto Ricans are like this."  And there it was.  What she really wanted to say.  "So you're saying this is common?" I continued to press.  "Yeeeesss!  Berry berry common.  For this reason my professor he 'elikes foreign estudents because they work berry berry hard."  Most would be offended by that "confession", I instead, couldn't help but feel saddened that others have recognized this seemingly negative truth.  I, however, am not just referring to Puerto Ricans.

My perspective is from a "mainlander", an "American" as Mama so eagerly points out: "Michie, you're not Puerto Rican, you're American"...but that's a whole other post for a whole other day.  Upon reflection, what I have viewed of my peers, myself, and now the next generation, is, in short,  disappointing.  Jill Scott has a song titled "My Petition" wherein she states "I want my children to be smarter than me."  That line stuck with me like jelly to peanut butter.  As soon as I heard it, I asked myself Am I smarter than my parents? After four years of college, several different occupations, trips from Japan to Mexico and everywhere in between, and at the time, 20 something years of "life experience", my answer was an automatic "not really".  I have experiences, but my parents have true knowledge, drive, and direction.  They took us as far as they could and their example, thankfully, has created pretty decent offspring.  But, are we raising the bar?  More importantly, is our example paving the way for the next generation?

So many of our young people are lost.  No drive, no direction, no real care.  But what do they have that Ida and so many like her didn't/don't?  Access.  They are born into the "gift" of being "American".  They speak a language that, if exercised correctly, will open a bevy of doors for them.  They also, much to their detriment, have this false sense of comfort and entitlement.  When I was 14 years old I dreamt of the day I could go apply for a job.  Financial freedom!  Maybe I could even buy my very first pair of Air Jordans! Especially since mom and dad had already made it very clear that they were "never going to pay that kinda money for sneakers baby girl".  By the time I was 16, I was dreaming of going away to college, if for nothing else, independence.  Fast forward to today, thanks to Mom and Dad's perceived middle class/upper middle class (whatever that means anymore) income, these kids (toddlers, tweens, and teens alike) have no real needs.  iPhones, Blackberries, iPods, laptops, name brand everything is at their disposal.  The most they might have to do is bring home decent (not excellent, just decent, because excellent is too stressful and impossible) grades.  Independence?  They've got that too.  See, the multitasking bug has bitten most modern day adults pretty badly.  So now, just about every parent in the nation can be found throwing around words like "too busy", "too tired", "so stressed" as a way to excuse the fact that they are not fulfilling item #1 on their job description...to serve as an example, an encourager, a guide, a supervisor.  Why would I ever want to leave home if I run the place?  Sure, you've busted your ass to have a great big house and you continue to bust your ass to pay for it...but at what cost?  While you're stressing over bills, your child is slipping from your grip and you can't even see it.  So, is the house really worth it?  How about the fancy car that you honestly can't afford?  The cell phones?  You get the idea...

Ida also has her family on her shoulders.  Within a few years, she plans to move to the United States with a six figure salary.  She will do it, that I'm sure of.  My only question is if she does eventually decide to have children, will they grow and achieve more than she has achieved, or will the "gift" of growing up American stunt their growth?

P.S. -

Correcting 11th grade physics exams has its perks.  Here are just a few of my favorite definitions learned in my current "life class":

Work - the product of force and the distance through which the force is applied.

Every body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line, unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it. - Newton's first law of motion

Generation X & Y

According to dictionary.com these two terms are defined as the following:

Generation X - members of the generation of people born between the mid-1960's and the mid-1970's who are highly educated and underemployed, reject consumer culture, and have little hope for the future.

Generation Y - members of the generation of people born since the early 1980s who are seen as being discerning consumers with a high disposable income

Since I began volunteering, these two terms have been running marathon laps in my head.  See, I was always under the impression that both my older brother and I were Generation X'ers.  That term used to be thrown around left and right along with "the new millennium" and "Y2K".  I also never knew that when that term was being thrown around that we ...well...HE was being referred to as a person who had "little hope for the future". That's interesting because for as long as I can remember my "Generation X" brother has been one of the most hard working individuals I know!  He had a paper route as soon as he was legally allowed to work! I always felt a certain sense of pride every time I opened our door and saw all the newspapers in front of the apartments.  I remember thinking my brother did that.  When he outgrew the paper route he moved onto Red Lobster as a manager in the kitchen...making sure food was how it should be before it was sent out to customers.  I mostly remember this job because my mom and I would patiently wait for him to get home at night as he usually came home with the best leftovers (mmmm crab legs for days!!).  He went to college and by sophomore year he was an R.A.  By the time he got out of college, he already had a position in a graphic arts company serving as their IT guy.  Then, he jumped over to being a graphics guy for a law office...and that is when the bachelor pad came, the pool table and ohhh that Pepsi Blue BMW (I still dream about that thing).  My brother was and still is the definition of hustle...that is Generation X to me.

Now, Generation Y.  I guess I'm Generation Y.  Sure, I've had jobs.  I remember trying to trick the manager at Boston Market into hiring me because I was a few months shy of being of legal working age.  I also remember finally landing a job at a donut shop that, if I recall correctly, I quit soon after seeing a mouse run over my foot!  I have never been that paralyzed by fear before.  My mother had to talk me off the ledge because I was besides myself when  I called her.  After that, it was clear to me...I was heading for office jobs. Paid internships, actually.  One for a huge NYC bank and another for a national magazine.  I wasn't an R.A. in college, truth be told, I didn't really pursue it...I was too busy basking in my newly appointed freedom.  Luckily, I did find my first love though...radio.  So, by the time I graduated college, I had a gig in an industry I adored.  That was Generation Y for me.

Fast forward...a few months shy of 2011, I have been volunteering for the last two months at a local high school once a week.  I am devastated and have to seriously talk myself out of becoming hopeless.  What do I see when I walk into this school, what am I experiencing? 

I see children who are treated like they are no longer their parent's problem, treated like crap by their peers and criminals by their educators.  I see young men who think being a man is having clothes like Lil Wayne and an attitude to match.  I see young women who define themselves by what that Lil Wayne clone says about them.  I see messy kids who walk in with ignorant parents.  I see overworked parents trying to fit a meeting with the principal into their lunch hour.  I see a kid with a Blackberry but not a belt.  I see an iPhone but no notebook.  I see a teacher who is a walking thunder cloud.  "No one can't tell her s*** and she's not afraid to tell anyone that, not a parent, not a student, not a fellow administrator."  I see teachers who walk right past each other without a word...not even a simple "Good Morning".  I see a principal who is trying his hardest to work for these kids and encourage them all while robbing Peter to pay Paul.  I hear children saying they were literally robbed in the bathroom.  I hear boys saying "Ni*** this" and "N*** that" or "f*%# you N*&^%" but then walk into the office with their eyes low and their voice even lower to ask a question.  No, not because they are ashamed or because they know they shouldn't  speak like that...but because they don't know how to speak to adults and have no self confidence.  I hear of baby gangs popping up left and right. I hear of synthetic pot making its way into our schools.  I see pregnancy.  Hopeless yet?  Angry yet?  Worried yet?  Well, I am.  

I'm so worried that I reflect on myself, my brother, my cousins...who were our mentors and where are the mentors now?  Then I look in the mirror.  Time has passed, my hair is beginning to grey, my friends are married and having babies, my mentors are getting older.  Where are the mentors now?!  I ask again...then I look in the mirror.

One thing I failed to mention in my Generation X and Generation Y stories is probably the most important underlying, and often overlooked, ingredient for success...mentors.  My brother and I were blessed to have not only our parents on the front line of defense, but also extended family members like Valerie, Vivian, John, Lisa, Titi Annie, Tata and Tio.  Not to mention youth groups like Aspira full of people like Daralyn, Vanessa, Maziel, Grecia, Lisa, Tony, Lydell, Isabelle, etc.  These are just a few people who served as professional and/or personal role models, encouraged us, invested in us, questioned us about school, gave us advice about college, served as references and even provided opportunities for paid internship or even jobs.  That was what made us successful.  That is what kept us on our toes and that is what helped to water the seed of ambition that was in us.  

Yes, we are 20 something and 30 something now.  Yes, we are working on our careers and building our families.  Yes, we're looking for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right...but let's remember how we got here.  We have to reach a hand back, because that hand may be connected to the hand your child will need one day.  It takes a village and its our turn at bat.

A few links:

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/become_mentor/become_mentor.shtml

http://www.mentoring.org/