E. Steven Collins - the man, the myth, the legend...

Ernie Steven Collins, better known as E. Steven and best known as simply, E.  Yesterday morning I started my day with a phone call no one wants to receive.  E, a dear friend and mentor, had suddenly passed away.  I was numb with sadness and shock.  It had been over a year since we communicated but the pain was still palpable, nonetheless.

E was an original, a class act.  He was a community leader, an exceptional mentor, a comedian, a loving husband, a tremendous father (and an influential father figure to so many others), an amazing friend.

I was maybe twenty when I met E.  He immediately took me under his wing and showed me the radio ropes.  He taught me how to produce a show, how to work under pressure, and most importantly, that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it.  "Sweetheart" he'd say, "to get what you never had you've got to think like you've never thought and do what you've never done." He gave criticism without belittlement.  A warm word, a corny joke, a random lunch date, were all possible every time you passed his office.  He could be listening to Biggie or Coltrane, depending on the day.  A simple lunch at Reading Terminal Market could turn into a meet and greet with the Mayor, a councilwoman, a longtime fan, a church leader, or perhaps just a former intern.  The beauty of E was that they were all received with the same importance.

E touched everyone he met.  He was a gentleman, a shining star.  He lived life to the very fullest and brought whomever was willing to come along for the ride.  No matter where life took me, or how long it had been since we spoke, I could always count on E for a warm "Miss you!!"  Love you lots!".  That was just E.

While the sadness remains, I can't help but feel blessed --- blessed to have known him.  I'm struggling...it is so very hard to put into words just how special he was.  A plethora of information.  An open book.  A welcome wagon.  A cheerleader.  E was...amazing.

My prayers go out to each and every person who had the privilege of knowing him -- for I know we all have similar stories and thus similar pain, sadness, and shock.  I can only hope that every one of us takes a little  E with us as we continue on our journey.  Paying forward the love, respect, and guidance he gave to us is the greatest homage we can give him.  E. Steven Collins - the man, the myth, the legend!

Rest in peace, E.  Miss you and love you lots.

Moving On

Moving on has to be one of the hardest things for a person to do.  No matter the age or the gender.  Be it moving on from a job, a relationship, a home, a city or even a way of thinking.  Change is a natural part of life but not always a welcomed one.  We see it all the time, in the lives of others and (at times begrudgingly) in our own lives.  Einstein once said, "The world as we have created it
is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking."  That consciousness he is referring to, has to arrive before change can ever happen.  Realizing and recognizing when something no longer serves you or the road you've "selected" for yourself.  Change can be scary, almost paralyzing...but why?  Well, it’s very closely associated with another "ch" word -- choice.  People have protested and even died to secure our "right to choose" within this society.  Even God himself tells us through the Bible that we have been given the gift of free will.  Blue pill? Red pill? You have the final say.  Every moment of our lives we are making choices, both consciously and subconsciously.  So for those of us that love saying, "I don't know what to do" or "I'm so bad at making choices", well, perhaps there's a bit of a silver lining in the notion that every thing you do and DON'T do is...a choice.  So why is this relevant to change? Well, before we make a choice to change, we have to count up the cost.  That's when the What if's show up.  What if...what if the next job is worse than the last, what if he/she doesn't love me the way I imagined they would/should, what if I get my heart broken yet again, what if I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up, what if I never live in the same city as my family ever again, what if my friends stop calling me because of my new way of thinking, what if my family makes fun of me, what if I'm not strong enough, what if I'm not good enough, what if I truly am not all that I think I can be...

Just typing those what if's brought tears to my eyes.  Imagine carrying them around with you all the time? In my heart of hearts I believe we all know what we really want.  While many of us don't have a detailed map, if you pay attention you may realize that it feels like there is almost a code written within us that navigates us during those really important moments.  There's a section of society that make a conscious, unapologetic effort to follow that internal navigation.  You can call them yogis, Christians, spiritually awake people, Hindus, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Sufis, insert label here, etc. The label is simply a label, but is usually a first step to a truth that is sometimes difficult to put into words.  Simply put, you realize that you are part of something greater -- a grand design.  When this happens, you become keener.  Despierta (awake).  And so, when the change that needs to happen is counter to your very being, somehow you still make the choice.  Not because your heart and soul really wants to, but because it is literally the natural next destination on your map.  No, it may not end up the way you think it should have, no you may never live in the same city as your parents again, and he/she might tear your heart to pieces, and that job might just be the worst job you've ever had --- but that might be just what you needed to make you wiser, stronger, gentler, kinder, more forgiving.  The more "in tune" you become with the God that lives within, the more you can see, understand and even accept -- well, life.  Even if it hurts.  Moving on becomes less of a boogie monster.  The truth isn't so hard to tell anymore.  Choices are made with genuine consideration and not fear or anger.  Change is welcomed.  And in some way, if we're walking in love, even the world changes for the better.