Crossroads

Classes ended.  Tutoring did too.  My summer began in early June so I quickly booked my flight back "home".  I decided on a one way ticket considering last summer I ended up pushing back my return flight to a later date.  Just made sense since I was going to be off for awhile, to take advantage of that opportunity to just be back in la ciudad.  Before I left, Mama offered words of jest that were founded in truth..."Make sure you come back." She nervously chuckled.  Later, as I prepared to head back to my apartment to finish packing, she confessed, without looking up from her crossword puzzle, "I miss you already."  Once again, as she hugged me, she alluded to the fact that I may not come back.  I shrugged and said, "Why is everyone saying that?"  My boss, my aunt, and now Mama.

They must have known something I didn't.  Once again, I'm nearing a crossroad.  The end of this year will mark two years since I've been in Puerto Rico...my initial plan, six months.  Since then, a seemingly non-existent relationship between grandmother and granddaughter has blossomed.  A bond has been formed and an understanding has been reached.  A language barrier has been narrowed--not eliminated completely--just narrowed.  Family history has been discussed, but insufficiently (at least for me).  Now, here in New York, a new and exciting opportunity is brewing.  Things are only simply brewing, nothing official, yet I'm still wrestling.  On one hand there's Mama and the rest of the family, my awesome apartment, the school, my (very few) new friends...a career, a chance to do better because I know better, old friends and familiar family, and more exciting yet nerve-wrecking uncertainty.  I'm no spring chicken, so how much longer can I really go on playing Dora the Explorer?  What if my decision to move forward is premature?  Why am I so ok with either scenario?  Maybe its because I know that God has a plan for me.  Maybe its because this experience has shown me that I can pack up and move anywhere and be ok.  Maybe its because its time for a new level...no matter where I stay.

One thing is for sure, I am heading back to Puerto Rico this summer.  Anything else, well, any(and every)thing else will be approached carefully, prayerfully and faithfully.  Stay tuned...