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| My first coco tree being planted! |
Change is hard. There is no secret about that. But, change is good, even when its bad. Yeah, I know, I might be losing you a bit so, let me take it back to December 2011. The holidays this past year were a bit tough for me. The year before I was smack in the middle of a Gonzalez family love fest...food, photos, music, even matching shirts! We all came together, knowing that the lil bro would soon be overseas and I would be heading back to
la isla. We took advantage and celebrated
con gusto. Fast forward to December 2011, I found myself staying put in Puerto Rico. As exciting as that sentence was written is as exciting as that experience was. I certainly cried, wondered what I was doing there, and wallowed in self pity as I indulged in some greasy-poor-excuse-for-Chinese-food take out. That was the turning point for me. December 2011 I decided if I was going to continue living in Puerto Rico, it was going to have to be in my own apartment.
Don't get me wrong, living with Mama has been a blast, but I am a 30 year old woman...and for the last year, I've been a guest in her house. Therefore, no (other) guests, no visitors, no entertaining, 9pm bedtimes, etc. To be fair, Mama never laid out these house rules, but it wasn't to hard to read between the lines. She, thank God, is still able to be independent. So, by January, I was gone.
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| Uncles hard at work...well, one at least |
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| Cousin digging the new garden |
Like I said, change is hard. And with every choice to make a change comes a learning curve of some sort. So, the last few months have not passed without their fair share of challenges. Initially, I felt like I abandoned Mama. Like I got her use to having me there and then, once things started getting tough I just left. I still struggle with that thought at times...but way less often than I use to. Then, I felt like I wasn't really needed around as much as I thought I was and if I were to decide to leave PR it wouldn't be much of an issue. But now, I've seemed to have come to a happy medium. I do serve a purpose here but I don't have to live with her to serve that purpose. Yes, the day will come when she can no longer live alone. When that day comes, I will deal accordingly. Until then, I will have to do what I can to ensure that I am prepared to handle that responsibility while continuing to move forward in my life. So, I still lunch with Mama just about everyday, I sleep over twice a week, and I usually take Saturdays for myself.
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| Get 'er done! |
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| Coco tree no. 2! |
The upside, I have had several visitors already and that feels great! A wonderful taste of home! My aunt handed down just about every piece of furniture I now have, Mama got me a TV, my uncle and cousin came all the way from New York and gave me a jump start on my new garden, my parents came and put that overall home feeling in, my homegirl Amanda hooked me up with veggie dumplings (fresh from my favorite Chinese spot in THE BRONX) and chopsticks, oh and who could forget my other cousin who came and left me with enough Medalla and Sangria to entertain for quite awhile! Needless to say, it's been a busy few months.
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| Family entertaining! |
The downside, outside of vacationing visitors, I really haven't had time to entertain. I work everyday except for Sunday, (which is for church). I'm also trying to maintain my apartment as well as keep track of Ms. Mama's crib, which is something I knew was going to happen...but I made this bed, so I'm lying in it. I will admit, the first few months I was totally stressed out, but now, I just try to take each day as it comes and each "challenge" as it presents itself. The bills have increased while the income hasn't...yet the amazing thing is that it always seems to work out. Blessings. I've learned to count them.
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| Lunch in the new pad! Don't worry, Mama was happier than she looks ;) |
Let's see, what's new. Well, today was a great day. I went to church and helped produce a fundraiser/musical presentation for an up and coming Christian artist. The dude is ridiculously talented. I wouldn't necessarily be dubbed a Christian music fan much less a Spanish Christian music fan, but I think that alone speaks to his talent. This fully bilingual, compelling song-writing, amazing voice-having, piano playing, young man has been blessed and somehow, as I find myself in a varied deja vu, I'm thinking that I may be too (blessed that is). See, a few years ago I was the artist and event manager for an up and coming underground MC. Together we pushed to bring his dream to life. We got a tour going, shot music videos, hustled for interviews and embarked on a mission to get his name and music seen and heard...all on a shoestring budget. During that time I felt alive. More alive than I had felt in awhile. In fact, the last time I felt that amazing, I was pushing a community initiative in Philadelphia called "Project Peace". The gun violence was out of control in the city and the radio station I was working for at the time decided we had a social responsibility to address it. We used our influence in the community to increase an awareness and foster a consciousness that this had to stop and it started with each and every one of us. Good times. I think I was probably far too immature to really realize just how lucky I was to be apart of it all, but I can see it a lot clearer now. Either way, those were my "alive moments" - career wise. And somehow, I find myself here again. An opportunity to be apart of something that can raise the consciousness of a community while being immersed in one of my truer loves in this life - great music. Its too coincidental to be coincidental that I was hand picked to be a part of this "brain trust". A humble group of five, all bringing something different to the table for one common goal: to help move this talent to a stage where his message can be heard, his music can be felt, his purpose can be realized. I'm trying to use the hard lessons I had to learn from previous experiences and turn them into wisdom-filled stepping stones in this latest chapter. It's exciting and scary all at the same time - but I'm up for the challenge!
