Yard Sale Update

So, the first ever "Packin' Up For Puerto Rico" Yard Sale is happening THIS Sunday from 10a - 4p.  Be sure to e-mail me at mishgonzalez@gmail.com for more information and please come through and support!!

Back to Reality?

Boqueron Beach

Horses on the road.  Yes, horses on the side of the road grazing as I drive to my Titi Annie's house.  Delicious food.  Heavy, delicious food that sends me feverishly searching for fruits and veggies in a local grocery store.  Boqueron beach.  A beach with a 2 hour sun worshipping max for me.  A beach that can be calm and beautiful or loud and messy (depending on the time and season).  Breezy, sticky, rainy, humid, sunny...Puerto Rican weather in a nutshell.  Mama Maria.  I feel her love.  I feel her concern for my well being.  I feel her getting use to the idea of having me around.  Titi Annie.  So eager to help...successfully making me feel like I live there already.  Stepping in as my mom away from home and amazing me everyday with the breadcrumbs Mama Celina (my maternal grandmother) obviously left in her spirit.  She follows them everyday and is often misunderstood and under appreciated for just how much she loves, values and honestly wants to support her family. 

Mish -n- Ma

Subways.  They get you to your destination while you read or write or daydream or sleep.  They remind you to count your blessings as kids sell candy "not for no basketball team but for money to keep me off the streets and out of trouble", as a woman begs for money because she lost her home and family in a fire, as men sing for pocket change or "whatever food you might have to spare".  Cubicles.  Co-workers...from the overstressed and miserable to the numb and happy....hopped up on Starbucks and lost in lunch.  Tomatoes.  Mom's organic tomatoes fresh from her garden...along with her monster cucumbers, butternut squash and field greens.  My basement apartment.  Where I use to joke I was a troll because I've only lived in 1st floor or basement apartments since I got my very first apartment back in 2000.  Where the rumble tumble sounds of my brother and his family above my head has become a comforting and safe sound.  Rain, chilly rain that makes you want to cuddle...New York City weather gears up for Fall.  My dad.  Singing and dancing to the sounds of Elvis Crespo.  Triathlon dreams. Firefighter rescue stories. Swim dates at 6am.  My mom.  Fresh, delicious food.  That laugh.  Those legs moving to Salsa grooves.  Guacamole.  BBQ's.  Lil Bro Erto Berto.  Seeing a boy become a man right before my very eyes.  Gentlemanly charm at the drop of a dime.  Intelligence and promise that he can't even see yet.

Mish -n- Pa

I am in limbo.  Stuck between two worlds...the world I am about to enter but yet feel like I'm there already and the world that I have to continue to function in until it is time to fully depart.  I can't lie, getting up this week to get to work has been difficult.  I have no excuse, no viable reason for strolling late...I don't even have a bad attitude.  I'm just here...thinking about being there.  Counting the days until I can be honest with everyone about what I'm doing and where I'm headed.  In the meantime, trying to pull my head out of the day dream clouds and deal with the mountain of "to do's" that need to be checked off in a timely manner.  Professionally, I'm gone.  Personally, I'm also gone...until I sit and begin to think about how many and how much I'm truly leaving behind.  I'm scared.  I'd be a fool to say I'm not. 

Laying Down The Foundation

Hello from Puerto Rico folks!  I am typing to you from a happy, confused, disappointed and very tired place...

Happy.  Happy because I have successfully landed in Puerto Rico and have officially settled things with my grandmother.  We had a very nice conversation this afternoon and she told me that I am welcome to stay with her as long as I like.  She is simply concerned with me traveling pretty much across the island to do community service.  I plan to donate my time with Habitat for Humanity in Puerto Rico but they are located in the East...closer to San Juan while my grandmother and aunt both live in the West...closer to Mayaguez.  She's not sold on the idea of me driving 2+ hours each way however many days a week for no money and to a city that, in her eyes, is peligroso (dangerous).  I assured her that I plan on heading over there tomorrow and talking to the folks who run Habitat.  I told her my priority is learning the language and continuing to develop our relationship so if Habitat does not fit or work for me then I am sure I can find other volunteer/service opportunities closer to her side of the island.  She seemed pleased to hear that.  So, my plan is to roll over there tomorrow and see if there is an opportunity to do some work on this side of the island and that leads to confusion...

Confusion.  I have been in pretty regular contact with the Habitat folks leading up to this trip.  The last correspondence we had was an agreement that I would reach out to them the week of my departure so that they could make sure they had work for me.  It is now almost 5pm the evening before I am to head over there and I have yet to hear a peep from them.  Hmmmm

Disappointment.  I should have gotten a solid contact number and address sooner.  I should have reached out to them earlier in the week than I did.  When I thought I was going to get the Jet Blue Unlimited Flight Package I felt like meeting with them tomorrow wasn't so imperative.  But, when I logged on to actually purchase the package I found out I was an hour too late.  The package was sold out.  I had made quite a few plans with that package but I guess for whatever reason it was not the package for me...or else I would have gotten it right?

Very Tired.  I pretty much broke night doing laundry and packing and chit chatting with Manda.  Bless her heart, she came over to 'spend the night' so that she could take me to the airport at 4am!  Instead she and I got a max of 30 minutes of shut eye before we hurried out the house for JFK.  I was sitting on the plane ready to take off by 5:30am and by 5:35am I was asleep (thanks to my handy dandy eye cover from South Africa Airways and my hoodie).  I probably got a max of 3 hours on the plane and now, after a lunch with Titi Annie consisting of arroz con cangrejo, surrullitos, mofongo balls, surullitos de yuca, pescado, ensalada, flan de queso y cafe (rice with crab, fried corn sticks, plantain balls, fried yuca sticks, fish, salad, cheese custard and coffee)...well I'm pretty much running on fumes.  Now, do I take a nap for an hour and wake up groggy and cranky or do I wait it out and fall asleep for the night at around 10p?  Yo no se Kimosabe, yo no se!

Attack of the Flies!!

So this past Saturday I come home from a quick overnight trip as happy as a peach only to discover my house has been pretty much taken over by flies!  It was as disgusting as it sounds believe you me.  Now, I may be a messy person but in no means am I dirty so let's clear that up right away.  It was really odd, almost something out of a scary movie!  At one point I see about 5 or 6 of these buggers buzzing around my living room light and I'm like "Damn!  Those are some HUGE flies!"  Now, I'm no fly expert but the best way to describe what they reminded me of were Horse Flies.  Yes, big as horse flies that are often confused with Bees because of how prominent their Bzzzz is.  Anywhooo, I see 5 or 6 buzzing around my light and I realize that something is wrong.  Then I hear a really strong buzz the closer I get to the light which is about a foot from one of my basement apartment windows...I knew there was something behind the blinds and as much as I didn't want to look, I knew I had to.  When I lifted that shade, I'm telling you, I almost barfed, screamed, fainted all at the same time!!  There was a cluster of about 10 to 15 of these huge ass flies all gathered on my window.  Instead of taking the "girly" way out I just ran to my cleaning supplies under my kitchen sink and hoped to get my hands on something that could help me...and FAST.  Luckily, I had fly spray and within a matter of minutes there were about 20 dead flies laying around my apartment.  I know, gross right?  I quickly cleaned it up and bolted out the house because I had a movie date with a friend of mine to see Eat Pray Love and not even a Fly Plague was going to stop me from seeing that movie!  All the while, I'm asking myself Where could those flies be coming from? and Why would such an odd thing happen?  Its so odd that I felt like there had to be a deeper meaning behind it (no, I'm NOT kidding...stick around and you'll understand why). 

So, I watched the movie, came to the conclusion that like most movies, it paled in comparison to the book, but still allowed myself to walk away with valuable mini messages.  This movie reinforced themes that I use to struggle with and some that I continue to struggle with as I prepare to embark on my new journey. 

E. Honda

First, eating.  Well see I eat.  I eat like a little fat kid and I honestly have never been ashamed of it.  I only had to address it when I had to exchange my jeans for sweatpants after packing on the freshman 20 in college.  In fact it was so bad that, I can't believe I'm revealing this but whatever...it was so bad that I was called E. Honda (yes, the sumo wrestler from Street Fighter--that E. Honda) by some of my closest friends...I guess they knew I had tough skin.  So, I discovered the gym, jogging and vegetables and continued to stuff my face.  Eating?  Yes, I eat and I'm proud of it! 

Second, praying.  Its been a long, hard headed and sometimes difficult journey between the big G-O-D and I but let me tell you, He has won me over.  I'm new in my walk with the Lord and man when I tell you NO ONE saw this coming..not even me...most folks who are closest to me still can't wrap their head around it.  All I can do is continue to follow my heart, hope that they accept me for the new me I am growing into, and realize that while there is a new Mish forming I still have the same heart...actually it may be even warmer now.  This spiritual journey I've been on deserves more than just a paragraph but I know it will continue to pop up through my posts, so I'll just keep it here.  I just know that many of my recent 'bold decisions' are only being accomplished because my faith has truly given me the strength.  Walk by faith not by sight is one of the realest lines ever!  LOL

Me & the Mama (Maria) I am to live with

Third, loving.  Love is a beautiful thing.  Love for God, love for my family and love for myself has helped me in so many ways over this past year.  Figuring out what love--true love means is a difficult thing.  See, its not all peaches and roses.  Its tough.  That can be translated into any relationship, be it lovers or friends.  Sometimes love means letting go and moving forward.  Sometimes love means holding tight and working through the storm.  It is up to you to figure out how to navigate love but if you are prepared to be truly honest with yourself, you will find the meaning of love and it will make it easier to spot....and appreciate.

Now, I finish watching the movie with my dear friend Charlene and we grab a bite to eat and chit chat about her latest adventures (she has also embarked on a new adventure...leaving the corporate world to pursue her dreams to be a musician all while teaching Yoga) and offer each other encouragement to keep moving forward.  It was a wonderful evening but as I neared my home, the smile on my face turned into a frown.  Those damn flies were waiting for me and I now had to deal once again.  My brother is my landlord so he was alerted that this was an issue before I left for the movie.  By the time I got home he had left me a message "Misha I have a bomb ready to go for those flies, you just have to clear all your cabinets before I set it off.  Let me know when your done and I'll set it off." 

Attack of the Flies!

I'm not going to lie, normally I'd be in a pissy mood saying to myself This sucks!  Why me?!  I shouldn't even be living here anymore!  I got to get out! Waa Waa Waa!  Oddly enough, none of that was going on...I guess I was too busy trying to figure out the REAL reason for this fly attack.  So, I do what big bro tells me to do.  I get a bunch of plastic bags and I begin to pack everything from my cabinets into these bags.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when it hit me.  I stopped, looked up, and just chuckled. 

See, I'm Packin Up for PR...I'm moving from a one bedroom apartment into a single bedroom in my grandmother's house.  Everything must go.  I am taking my clothes and my juicer and selling everything else.  The sales of everything will help sustain me until I find employment out there (ahem, SIDE NOTE: that is also why there is a PayPal Donate button on the top right of this blog...yes, I have no shame...don't get me a bday gift or a going away gift just donate whatever you would have used to get me a bottle or even a card). 
I wanted to hold a yard sale before the weather turned and looking at the calendar, that yard sale would have to be soon.  The plan in my head was to hold a yard sale first, then, whatever was left over I would sell on this blog/EBay/Craig's List.  These sales would help me financially (be it money towards a car, a Mac to edit my adventures, groceries for me and grandma so I don't feel like a mooch, the plane ticket to PR, gas, the list goes on...).  And guess what?! This Attack of the Flies just gave me the push I needed to make that yard sale happen in the next two weeks!  There is no way I was going to pack up those cabinets only to repack and organize them for a yard sale.  It was time to get it done!  That is why I was attacked.  So, thank you flies, thank you for pushing me forward.  You may call that coincidence.  I call it God and his quirky sense of humor ;)

The yard sale will be held on Saturday, August 28th and Sunday, August 29th in el Bronx.  More details to come!

First things first...

Ok so here's the deal...my name is Michelle Ann Gonzalez.  We'll start there because growing up, I was always uneasy with my full name.  See, the Michelle part wasn't the issue.  It was pretty straight to the point, spelled correctly (in my humble opinion) with two l's and quite pretty.  It also helped that my nickname since as far back as I could remember was "Misha" so I always felt unique.  I always knew who was talking to me and for what purpose.  Michelle = formal.  Misha = family.  Later, Mish = college.

Back to the point, my uneasiness with my name.  Ann.  This is probably the biggest problem I have with my name only second to the combo of Michelle + Ann.  See, I wanted to know how Luz Elenia and Albert 'Chico' Gonzalez somehow sat in the hospital and said "You know what would sound great with Gonzalez...Michelle Ann!"  "Yes, honey, that's perfect!"  Really?!  Throughout my life I've vocalized my distaste for my full name and often questioned my mom on this name thing.  This is usually how the conversation went (who am I kidding...GOES):

Me: "Ma, Ann, really?  Like why?"

Ma: "Misha, I don't understand why you have such a hangup about your middle name.  I think its very nice."

Me:"Ma, Michelle Ann Gonzalez?  Its like Maria Conchita Walker.  It just doesn't go.  Could you get anymore apple pie and American flag?!"

Ma: Sucks her teeth and has a tinge of frustration in her voice. "I named you after your aunt."

Me: (sidenote: I use to accept this answer but as I got older, this next point occurred to me) "Yeah but Ma, Titi's name is Santa Ana.  So if you really wanted to name me after her I'd be Michelle Santa or Michelle Santa Ana or Michelle Ana NOT Michelle Ann."

Ma: Sucking her teeth yet again and walking away "Que mucha hotha!" (translation: What a pain in the ass you are!)

But now, in hindsight, my name serves as a perfect analogy for who I am and the internal struggle that has led me to Packin' It Up For Puerto Rico. 

By heritage, I am Puerto Rican.  My mother (Luz Elenia) was born on the island and at the age of 12 arrived in New York, along with her two brothers (Raynaldo and Salvador Jr.) and little sister (Santa Ana).  She speaks fluent Spanish and after a short time in school, spoke fluent English as well.  Her penmanship is stellar, and if you ask me, she is and has always been a class act.  My father (Albert 'Chico') was born on the streets of New York City...literally.  A postman delivered him...no lie...at least I don't think.  The postman's name was Albert and so there you have it.  'Chico' is not his official middle name but since he didn't have one and somehow he earned that nickname through the years, he would claim it as his middle name every now and then.  He speaks Spanish well, but not as well as my mom.  He's a protector, provider and quite a charmer.  Since I am the only girl of three children, he has also made it very difficult for any man after my heart as I am a daddy's girl through and through. 

Growing up with the Gonzalez clan was awesome.  A lot of love and just as much English.  In fact, as I can recall the only time I really heard Spanish spoken at home was when my relatives from Puerto Rico called, when my dad was saying something fresh (usually a curse...which of course were the words I picked up the fastest), or when my parents were talking about something they didn 't want us to understand.  So there you have it.  A Puerto Rican girl with a very Puerto Rican last name and a very American first and middle name. 


Sure, throughout the years I've worked on the language but I've finally come to a point where Spanish classes and workbooks just aren't enough.  I need to know more than just hola and muy bien.  I need to strengthen my relationship with my last living grandparent and hopefully through her and these experiences, get a better understanding of who I am and where I come from so that one day I may pass this information on to my children.  Therefore, before any more time passes and before I can come up with an excuse to not do this, I am Packin' It Up for Puerto Rico.  By early December of 2010, Michelle Ann Gonzalez will be living in Puerto Rico looking to finally embrace every part of mi nombre...first, middle and last.


This blog will serve as my online diary.  The preparation for one of the biggest decisions of my life and the experience once I am there.  Ladies and gentlemen, a change is a comin'...are you ready to join me on my journey?  Follow me.  Post comments....maybe even help me pack ;)