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| Titi Misha n Jaden |
This is my lil' man...my numero uno nephew. Recently, he took his first trip to Puerto Rico with my parents. When I picked them up from the airport he hugged me super tight then planted a huge kiss on my cheek and said "I missed you Titi!!" Soon after, we were driving home and I asked him how he enjoyed Puerto Rico. Apparently, he had a ball! So much of a ball that he said "I wish I could live there." I saw that as my opportunity to start breaking the news to him that I'm leaving. So, while in the car I said "Oh yeah? Well you know Titi is going to live there for awhile." He said "Really?! Cool!" and he looked out the window and drifted away with his thoughts. That was about a month ago...
...This morning was part two of that conversation. For as long as he can remember his Titi Misha has lived downstairs. Unless its bed time or dinner time, whenever I come up to visit, the kids (Jaden and Renee...Sophia is still too small) usually end up in my apartment. They play, they sing, they dance, they color, they read. This morning was no exception. Now, to bring you up to speed, Jaden has been quite the traveler this summer. A week after returning from Puerto Rico, he left for Florida to visit his mom's family. As a result, he missed my first
Packin' Up For Puerto Rico yard sale. So, his trip to my apartment this morning was his first since he returned from Florida. As soon as he walked in he noticed a difference. His face looked confused and then he saw my 13 inch TV/VCR on my living room floor and this is how conversation number two went down:
Jaden: "Oh wow Titi, you have two TV's now?"
Me: "No, that's the one from my bedroom. It's out here because I'm selling it."
Jaden: "Oh, your selling everything because you want to get money?"
Me: "Yes, for Puerto Rico."
Jaden: "I thought you went already."
Me: "I did go, but that was just for a visit. I'm going to visit again this month and then I'm going to move there in December."
Jaden: "You're moving there?!"
Jaden's face falls in confusion. "You mean your leaving?
Me: "Yes."
Jaden: "You're not going to live here anymore?"
Me: "No."
Jaden: "And you're never going to come back...you're never going to live here?"
He points to the ground referring to my apartment under his house. His voice rises, his perfectly tanned cheeks look flushed and his eyes grow wide.
Me:
Whispering "No"
With a lump in my throat the size of an apple, I search for a comforting answer not only for him but for myself. This is hard.
Me: "I'm not going to live there forever, I am coming back but no, I won't be living here when I get back."
Jaden:
Silence. Confused look still there.
Me: "But maybe you can come visit me over there!"
Jaden: "Yayy!"
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| Jaden in Renee playing in my room |
I let out a silent sigh of relief and walk away with a heavy heart feverishly looking for my computer. I need to blog. I can't cry, not in front of him and his sister. The sounds of them pretending to be horses while dancing and singing have just taken on a whole new meaning...I'm going to miss them so much I'm not really ready to address it. I've got to go run for the bathroom before they realize Titi's crying.
Subways. They get you to your destination while you read or write or daydream or sleep. They remind you to count your blessings as kids sell candy "not for no basketball team but for money to keep me off the streets and out of trouble", as a woman begs for money because she lost her home and family in a fire, as men sing for pocket change or "whatever food you might have to spare". Cubicles. Co-workers...from the overstressed and miserable to the numb and happy....hopped up on Starbucks and lost in lunch. Tomatoes. Mom's organic tomatoes fresh from her garden...along with her monster cucumbers, butternut squash and field greens. My basement apartment. Where I use to joke I was a troll because I've only lived in 1st floor or basement apartments since I got my very first apartment back in 2000. Where the rumble tumble sounds of my brother and his family above my head has become a comforting and safe sound. Rain, chilly rain that makes you want to cuddle...New York City weather gears up for Fall. My dad. Singing and dancing to the sounds of Elvis Crespo. Triathlon dreams. Firefighter rescue stories. Swim dates at 6am. My mom. Fresh, delicious food. That laugh. Those legs moving to Salsa grooves. Guacamole. BBQ's. Lil Bro Erto Berto. Seeing a boy become a man right before my very eyes. Gentlemanly charm at the drop of a dime. Intelligence and promise that he can't even see yet.
