¡Mi Nuevo Trabajo!

It's official.  I got my first paycheck so I am confident in saying I officially have a job!!!!  It took quite a few months to get here, but alas, I have arrived!

As of August 1st, I was hired as a teacher at a local Christian private school.  The school is bilingual so the fact that I am more English than Spanish speaking actually came to work in my favor!  So, there I was, a week before the kids started, preparing to take on 28 (yes, 28) 2nd - 4th graders (yes, all in one class).  Here, they group the kids together because this is a school where the kids essentially teach themselves with workbooks (that are all in English).  The teachers are there to serve as part tutor, part warden, part translator.  As the days went on in our "training", I realized that I knew nothing about what I was about to embark on,  there was no review of the system, no FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions), not even a teacher's manual available.  So while fighting a knot from forming in my stomach I reminded myself, Michelle, God will never give you anything that you can't handle...follow the path.  So, I talked excitedly about the opportunity with my family and eagerly shopped for supplies to help put the 'Misha Touch' on my classroom.  

While fighting back worried feelings of failure, I was also dealing with a significant language barrier.  Sure, the school is supposed to be a bilingual school, but the reality is everyone's native language here is Spanish (except for maybe the computer teacher).  Also, there were only four of us newbies and the rest are veterans...inside jokes, experts on how things run around here, etc.  The other three newbies were all assigned next door to each other (since they were all set to handle Kindergarten and First Grade) while I was sent way out yonder to my own individual area.  I love working alone, so that wasn't an issue but I was worried that I was giving the impression that I was anti-social...farthest thing from the truth but what I'm finding is that when you are "lost in translation" you somehow morph into two different people.  I, for example, in English am funny, social, and confident. In Spanish, I am quiet, nervous, awkward and maybe even come across as dumb.  It sucks.  I think I even caught the office secretary laughing behind my back.  Of course I can't be too sure, but my gut tells me she totally was.  My Spanish seems borderline great when I speak to Mama but when I'm in the work setting, I just go blank! 

A few days after I started my "training week", I was called into the boss' office.  I thought Already?!  as a list of things I could have done wrong ran through my mind.  As I sat there with one boss who speaks very little English and another that speaks a lot of English (but lets the other one speak for him), my heart began to beat really fast.  Then, my boss began to explain how they think my services would be useful elsewhere in the school.  Another one of their teachers unexpectedly quit and they feel that her position may be a better fit.  Pay is the same, I would still teach Conversational English on Mondays, I would just lose the 28 little ones and take on a more administrative role.  Initially, my ego was bruised, they don't think I can handle the kids.  They don't think I can do it.  I'm not good enough in Spanish.  They thought I was better.  They're giving me a crap job now.  Good job Michelle.  Then I smacked myself in the back of the head, He'll NEVER give you anything you can't handle.  You may have just been blessed.  Go where the path takes you and chill out!

So what was the job? I proctor all the exams for all the kids in the school.  I have my own classroom that only has kids in it sporadically.  Yes, the first week was crazy with filing paperwork, Saturday work days and figuring out how to organize chaos.  But, it was an opportunity to shine.  An opportunity to show I'm not a dummy, its just easier to recognize my intelligence in English...for now.

I am loving my new space.  I listen to music freely, bond with kids who curiously come in to meet the-new-teacher-from-New-York-with-really-short-hair...and I still have my two classes!  Oh, and I also dodged a MAJOR bullet!  That classroom that they were going to give me is now their problem class.  Lots of kids...currently two teachers and the principal are in there on a daily basis trying to get the kids in order.  2nd graders are just learning the system while 3rd and 4th graders have it down.  There are overly concerned parents, obnoxious grandmas, and busy body little siblings plaguing the classroom daily...along with the 28 children --- talk about a lot to handle.  Some speak English more than Spanish and some speak practically no English while they try to navigate and learn from English only workbooks.  Just thinking about it makes my head spin!  On the first day of classes the electricity blew just as the school doors were opening.  I walked into groups of hot, anxious children, parents with cameras, parents with grimaces, teachers with hot, bewildered faces and a level of semi-organized chaos.  I punched in and continued to walk to my new little classroom/office in the corner while breathing a sigh of relief and throwing up a great big THANK YOU JESUS!

Hair Be Gone!

Freddie!

The infamous...

You know that feeling you get when you find yourself admiring another person?  Ok, let me clarify...when you find yourself admiring the style of another person?  This has happened several times in my life and, I suspect will continue to happen.  I've admired everything from headwraps to dreadlocks, Kim Kardashian-esq soft curls to Freddie from A Different World big crazy curliness.  Hair is a huge part of a woman's style.  Your hair can totally change the look of an outfit and without a doubt can and will change the way in which people receive/perceive you.

Who's The Boss now?!

One style I've always admired but never ever ever in a million years thought I could pull off was the Nia Long, the Alyssa Milano, the Jada Pinkett, the Halle Berry....the list goes on...its the so-short-you-can-easily-look-like-a-boy (or a science experiment) haircut!  THIS of course was my dream cut.  The kinda dream that just remains a dream mostly due to circumstance...my circumstance being my physical hangups.

Young (and plump) Mish

Adult sized ears!

See, I, was born with a head full of hair and chubby cheeks.  By the time I was about 2 or 3 years old I had adult sized ears (see photo).  Impressively sized ears run in our family...no really, they are somehow both chubby and big...and its on both sides.  Chubby on my moms side (and big) and big (like long) on my dad's side (if you ever meet Mama, you'll see what I mean).  This, coupled with my Elvis-like sideburns left me feeling pretty hopeless.  In fact, I discovered Gap hats when I was in 8th grade...you know, those awesome preppy baseball like caps that came in different shades of khaki, denim and black?  They were all the rage amongst Catholic school kids.  But unfortunately, by the time I got to high school I had pretty much decided that the combination of sideburns and ears that stick out meant no cool Gap hats for me.

Why not just get rid of the sideburns you say?!  Ha, one day I tried that...and I paid the price.   I was in 5th or 6th grade and I slept over my older cousin Jeanine's house during Thanksgiving break.  Jeanine is my older cousin who, although I didn't spend a lot of time with her, was always super excited to hang with her when the opportunity presented itself.  Well, that weekend, Jeanine was talking to me about the wonders of bleach.  She told me that the hair just "kinda disappears".  Now, Jeanine is very fair skinned with freckles.  I too, was fair skinned with freckles, but while her hair is a medium brown, mine is and has always been really dark...everywhere.  Nonetheless, I was maybe 12 years old and my cool older cousin was willing to make my sideburn woes disappear in a maximum of 30 minutes!  Her mom gave her the seal of approval and so, clumps of white cream were placed on the sides of my face...and my upper lip!  Thirty minutes later I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror with Jeanine on one side and her mom on the other...

Jeanine:  (trying to hold back a laugh) "Wow Misha, you have a lot of hair."
Me: (very confused) "Uh, Jeanine I still see my sideburns, except now they're blond.  Is it supposed to look like this?"
Jeanine: "Yeah, the problem is your whole face has hair...but its not so bad." Again chocking back her laughter
Jeanine's Mom: "Oh my goodness Misha..."
Me: "What am I going to do?!" Laughing and freaking out at the same time
Jeanine & her mom: "Wear your hair down!" They couldn't hold it back anymore and just started laughing.

Did I mention that I had gym on my first day back to school?!  My massive head of hair didn't last 10 minutes before it was up in a ponytail.  So, as I sat on the gym floor, Rosario (last name omitted due to lack of memory) looks at me strangely and says "What happened to your hair?" I, totally forgetting that I had two patches of blonde fur on the side of my face, respond "What do you mean?" She's like "It looks like your hair over here (pointing towards my ears) is a different color." My stomach drops as I remember that I was supposed to be keeping my hair DOWN.  If anyone gets wind of what I tried to do, that's the end of me.  I'll never be able to live this down.  Oh my goodness I need to throw her off before she discovers my blonde upper lip!  So, I did what any pre-teen in my position would do.  I told a stupid lie.  One that, in retrospect, should have actually been more embarrassing than fessing up to being the victim of a bleaching experiment but hey...so my incredibly intelligent response was "Oh, I put makeup.  Concealer." She was really confused at that point.  "Why?" she asked.  "Because I wanted to." and I quickly walked away in a pretend huff while pulling my hair down and around my face as quickly as possible.

The Curl Mentor Program :)

Sometimes I miss 'em :(

So, in short, going short was NEVER an option.  But, as years go by, if you're doing things right, you embrace your "flaws" and you make the best with what you have.  I had frizzy, out of control hair that I never knew how to do....I learned how to do it and how to make frizzy, out of control hair become cool, funky, big, beautiful hair...it became part of what defined me.  An extension of my personality.  Again, though, life is an ever changing (and challenging) journey...especially for me nowadays.  And, I've gotten use to being open to the idea of change--drastic change (apparently).  So, one morning I woke up and I just knew I needed to cut my hair.  Its so hot here in PR that even when I tried to wear it out, it would just end up back in a messy bun or ponytail 10 minutes later.  Sure, I toyed with the "cutting it all off" idea for about a week, took random polls of what family members thought, searched the web taking quizzes that would tell me what cut was best for me, the whole nine...but its hard to explain...except that this scenario was reminiscent of "my"decision to move to Puerto Rico...it was already done, even though I hadn't physically done anything yet.  Both decisions felt like they weren't necessarily all mine.  Something bigger at work, if you will.

The dry mop needed to go!

Note the photos in my hand LOL

Note the girl behind me, she was shocked LOL

Before I knew it, Mama and I were entering the local beauty salon/barber shop, I was handing Jessica (my new hairdresser/barber) several pictures I pulled off the internet, and I was being seated as local hanger-rounders were looking at me in amazement.  "She's really going to cut it all off?!" I heard them whispering to each other in Spanish.  For a moment, I panicked.  "Do you think this cut will look good on me?" I asked Jessica.  "Sí, porque tu tiene un cara muy finita." (Yes, because you have a thin face). I saw the scissors in her hand and showed her the pictures once again as she assured me... "Yo sé, tu quieres el mismo estilo de Halle Berry."("I know, you want the same style as Halle Berry.") I smiled, closed my eyes and allowed her to have her way.  When it was all said and done I couldn't hide how excited I was.  When she told me I owed her $10 I think I almost pee'd my pants...I couldn't handle it! The joy! The excitement! The disbelief!  They were all just too much for my nerves to handle at one time!  Mama absolutely loves it....I think she almost pee'd her pants too when she saw me get up from the chair.  She says I look like a different person.  I think she's right.  I feel like a different person.  I am not my hair.  It can come and go and I'm still here.  To feel BETTER (happier, prettier, more hopeful) with LESS (hair, money, friends and fam around) is an empowering feeling.  More and more all of my mini walls are crumbling.  Ever changing and ever growing, both internally and externally.  Sideburns, ears, and all....

Full Speed Ahead Batman!!!!

Icees after church!

“Full speed ahead Batman!” That’s how I feel nowadays.  My two-week trip to New York ended up being extended to almost a month long adventure.

Erto Berto on his way to Japan!

I arrived in time to see my little bro off to Japan and while we didn’t get to spend the quality one on one time I would have liked, in the manner in which I imagined it, we still got to be together.   The way I see it, he was given an opportunity to spend time with friends and family that truly missed him but he was also shown, that he’s changed.  There’s nothing like going back to where you came from to show you just how far you’ve come, and more importantly, how far you still have to go.  So, on July 6^th, he headed out…onto a two day journey that took him from New York to San Antonio to Dallas to Tokyo and finally to Misawa, Japan!  He had the privilege of being bumped up to Business and even First Class on the majority of his flights.  What luck right?!  Now, my fresh-faced 18-year-old hermanito and I are on similar yet very different journeys.  He’s experiencing the real life Top Gun, 13 hours ahead of all he’s ever known, financially independent for the first time in his life, while I’m sitting in a cafeteria, undergoing a Spanish-only orientation designed to prepare me to face 2^nd – 12^th graders beginning Monday morning.  I’m being asked to sign contracts that I can hardly understand and fighting feelings of panic.  Either way, we’re both in strange lands, embarking on new adventures, and prepping ourselves as best we can for what is to come.  We both feel excited yet disconnected, apart of a team and yet still lonely.  We’re navigating and looking to each other for support.

Don't miss this!

Did miss this!

Once Erto Berto left for Japan I realized I had a few short days to get a laundry list of things done.  I had already come to the realization that as far as my eyes could see, I wouldn’t be returning to live in New York anytime soon.  I also realized my parents garage was chock full of my stuff.  Letters, cards, notebooks, photos, books, clothing…the list goes on.  Some of that stuff, believe it or not, went as far back as elementary school.  It was time to start clearing that stuff out.  Letting go of what I no longer needed, finding use for whatever I “saved for later” and storing whatever I truly knew I’d use/need when I finally settle into my own place again.  So, I changed my cramped, no-space-for-my-knees-and-my-feet-Continental-Airlines-seat, for a nice and roomy Jet Blue seat 10 days later (no I’m not being paid for this endorsement although I should be)!  By the end of my bonus time in New York, I was ready to be home.  I missed Mama.  I missed Max.  I missed Titi Annie.  I missed Puerto Rico.  While in New York I got the good news that I officially got the teaching job at the school that my church has and I would begin August 1^st.  I also got all my paperwork in order to open my very own food stand!   Hence, why I feel like its been non-stop since I’ve gotten back.  Oh, and did I mention I chopped all my hair off?!  Yeah, check out my new haircut.  Its crazy short but I absolutely LOVE it.  More on the new job, the food stand and the decision to cut my signature mop aka hair in the coming post.  The blog slump is over!  Let’s celebrate! WoooO!

Went from this...

...to this!

AND I LOVE IT!!